My parents let me know numerous times people didn’t like what I said or did, or that nobody liked anything about me during a very vulnerable time in my life that they were already mishandling, so that is GENUINELY how I think friends should act?

The sheer lack of self esteem or confidence makes me believe that even if my friends aren’t for me, it’s my fault regardless?

I believe I don’t deserve friends because I think shitty things about strangers just like literally everybody else does, and in some small way you think that karma (something you don’t think is real) WOULD ABSOLUTELY choose the nonbeliever to teach that life lesson to?

Why do I attack the “problems” I see in my friendships like I’m in the military and have been tasked with making a strategy to siege downtown Jacksonville from hipsters? Can’t I just… let it go? Do I have to fight everything that happens to me, instead of just letting it play out?