I think—hell, know—that I've always had a problem with my talents. Before 2006, I had always doubted I had much talent at all. I could not dance, could not sing, could not act, could not do anything that all the kids/teenagers were doing at the time.

I could code "computers." (And FYI, just because I code websites, does not mean I'm a guru at computers – they are two different things, get them right.)

That wasn't cool, and if I told anyone that, they never believed me. Even showing them my sites caused no other reaction than a scoff and a rolling of the eyes. Self-esteem was not my best friend back then, and that bitch will certainly never be. It wasn't until said 2006, that I really started exploring my "interests" which was how I ended up writing, doing photography and advancing further into Web Design and Graphic Design.

Despite this, however, I still feel like I am good at nothing. Having went to my sisters play, and watching my Mom gives her flowers and say, "You were the best!" really made me sad—my sister had one of the smaller parts, so there is really no way to tell if she was one of the best or not, but despite this, her acting abilities have always made me proud—because I realized that coding websites really doesn't get me to where my sister is today. I am simply a computer of sorts, dishing out information and sucking other information up. I will never be able to accept flowers on a stage and be told, "You are one of the best!" not because all the bimbos out there make it hard to be "one of the best" but because I feel like I'll never be on that level. I am very much the pusher of myself, and despite trying my hardest to be <em>the best</em>, it's still a constant struggle, and it makes me wonder if I really want to do that for the rest of my life.