Just to let you know: I will be back. I have a lot of entries saved on my localhost, so I will have plenty material to work with, and of course, I will be explaining the ins and outs of Lyone very, very soon, as well as getting the rest of my article-slash-tutorial-things up.

See you (hopefully) as soon as possible!

Well, for starters, to anybody who doesn’t know me (and that would be a majority of my viewers right now–I’m not popular), I’m Tess, blogger extraordinaire. Really, as I’ve been doing it for five years. Why I keep doing so, I don’t know. I guess maybe I like to bore people to their early (or late) deaths.

Oooh, I know! *waves arms around* Since I can’t think of anything, I’ll start off by talking (rambling) about my Harry/Draco slashy obsession, and how very much it’s grown out of proportion. It started about two years ago and that’s simply the most obsessive ship you can ever come across. There is NO going back. Granted, I will always love Lucius/Narcissa, Lucius/Snape and Snape/Remus, there’s nothing that compares to H/D. Maybe because it’s, in some ways, the forbidden fruit? Because they have history? Well…depending on your story and if it’s canon or not, but still…hmm, gotta’ love Fanfiction! (And before you wonder WHY in the hell it’s read as the middle of a story, go here. It’ll explain everything.)

Anyway, I will end this before it gets out of hand, and knowing myself as I do, I could go on for hours. So, to-da-loo! (And man I love parenthesis…har!)

I got a few things for Christmas: a entertainment stand (don’t laugh! I needed it like woah), a basket of all kinds of things (from my Aunt Debbie and Uncle Jason), a toy that I won’t give details on, but by the time you’re done reading this, I’m sure you’ll get the idea (from my Uncle Furtle), a new DVD player (my parents again), a porcelain mask from New Orleans (my Aunt Debbie #2), some jewelry (parents and other aunts) and money (ha! more the merrier to spend on my magazines). I mostly got everything I wanted on my birthday (which happened to be a month ago) so I didn’t really get much.

I admit, after all that, and I was still in a funky mood all day, but I wasn’t feeling good, so I’m assuming that’s part of the reason. My mood, however, brightened when my Uncle set up my stand to set up my electronics and when I realized that I needed to write some fanfiction like woah. First off, I’ve got a H/D one in the talks (with myself, I admit), but what I love and don’t see enough of is: Blaise/Neville and Albus/Scorpius…two guilty pleasures of mine, I admit. I’ve always been attracted to those pair for no reason at all, and was a little more than excited when I found a few ff pieces online…but that’s it! I’m definitely starting on the Blaise/Neville one right away…draft time! I’ve got a few ideas, but Mystery/Drama is more my style, so I have to think up a plot. And it’s a little sad that I can come up with a plotless slashy one-shot, yet when it comes time to something I master in, I dud out. I’m thinking of top!Blaise, bottom!Neville, but it can always change, depending on how you write the characters. And I’m absolutely 100% sure Neville isn’t brainless—he’s just shy. (I suffer from it, and I’m smart as hell!)

I need to stop with the Fanfiction talk…and I need to warn people of that, too. Some people might get bored…

Friendly warning: it’s Drarry compliant. And partially G-rated (besides the girl on girl (or boy on boy, whichever way you look at it) and transvestism), so don’t freak out like somebody I know.

If so, then I’m ashamed to say the internet is as my own country. We may be free, but we still live by “standards” that need to be fulfilled. Call me selfish, but I refuse.

(P.S. Sorry for the random rant–I just needed to get it off my chest.)

So it seems that I have nothing to say. Ironic, as I had a million and one things in my head to start off with, and none of them are coming to mind. However, that might be because my headache is all like, “BAM, I’m here bitch!” and I’m like, no. I will say though, that my easter eggs are…ugly. I will have to take a picture of them tomorrow and let your eyes feast on my creativity.

My sister got into Twilight, and although the book is there, I still can’t pick it up. :( I suppose that’s because I’m being rebellious of the whole, “Edward is so greatttt!!11!!1!” which is laughable, as I could name four dozen “greatttt” heroes, but I guess that isn’t the point.

The point is my sister read the book, and (drum roll) asked me for a book! This is enlightening, because I got to choose what book and I picked Night Play from the Dark-Hunter Series » (OK, that was a cheap plug, but whatever) and I think she will enjoy. I hope, anyways, as I love me some Vane/Fury/Fang/Aimee and I hope I can squee with her over them.

Not everything has been in vain, however! STFU T-Rex! » is getting an over-haul, although the scripting is going to take a good week to complete. I’ve emptied out my DeviantArt of anything that wasn’t mine, and am now down to crap manipulations and sunny bright photographs.

One more thing: See the dorkiness of the sister, the friend and I ». :D

I could code “computers”. (And FYI, just because I code websites, does not mean I’m a guru at computers–they are two completely different things.)

That wasn’t cool, and if I told anyone that, they never believed me. Even showing them my sites caused no other reaction than a scoff and a rolling of the eyes. Self-esteem was not my best friend back then, and that bitch will certainly never be. It wasn’t until said 2006, that I really started exploring my “interests” which was how I ended up writing, doing photography and advancing further into Web Design and Graphic Design.

Despite this, however, I still feel like I am good at nothing. Having went to my sisters play, and watching my Mom gives her flowers and say, “You were the best!”, really made me sad–my sister had one of the smaller parts, so there is really no way to tell if she was one of the best or not, but despite this, her acting abilities have always made me proud–because I realised that coding websites really doesn’t get me to where my sister is today.

I am simply a computer of sorts, dishing out information and sucking other information up. I will never be able to accept flowers on a stage and be told, “You are one of the best!”, not because users out there make it hard to be “one of the best”, but because I feel like I’ll never be on that level. I am very much the pusher of myself, and despite trying my hardest to be the best, it’s still a constant struggle, and it makes me wonder if I really want to do that for the rest of my life.

Sunday (May 18) Me: (in the laundry room) *shrieks and stares at spider with malice* “HATH…DIE!” Me: *three seconds later* “Hammer…! Yes, hammer!” *aims* Dad: *opens the back door* Me: *is blinded by the sunlight* Dad: “What the hell are y–DON’T PUNCH A HOLE IN THE WALL.”

Why must my Dad think I’m incompetent with a hammer? I had a half a mind today, upon seeing a TWO nasty spiders, to take a hammer and PUNCH A HOLE IN THE WALL. And honestly, I’m beginning to think I am the Queen of Exterminating Spiders. :(

So yes, I have switched! Along with the switch, I was able to create a new theme, which took a couple of days to work out to my advantage. I especially love the bottom “footbar” (as I call it). I now have 50 Book Challenge of 2008, which I will WIN THIS YEAR. Also, I can sort of “review” it, which is awesome. I simply LOVE that plugin. *love*

I will definitely be posting the “Extra” section, although I have a feeling it won’t be missed. I have two tutorial “requests” (of sorts) that I have yet to make, if I do decide to, but I can’t get in tune with the darn things–I think this might be a part me lacking inspiration.

I haven’t mentioned it, but we got two new chickens! My Dad bought them from my Aunt, so they are full grown, but they are adapting to the yards quite nicely (because my family and our neighbors are so close, we pretty much share the cats and chickens.) Since Mama Chicken and Chickie Girl died in January of this year, our neighbors and us have been sad and lonely without the welcome home, the fleas and bugs gone and the comforting sound of clucking. They are named Big Red (or Mama Chicken to Misty) and Henny Girl (aka The Bitch). Big Red is pretty mild and tends to be a lot more friendly than Henny Girl. Henny…well, Henny’s just a bitch. She screams and clucks, pecks at Big Red and won’t let us hold her. However, we will win her.

As my USB cord died a tragic death a couple of weeks ago, I have been unable to upload pictures. When I somehow find a way to get a new one, pictures of them will come! :D

Me: Hey look, a spider. Courtney: *gets up, picks up Clementine and calls her a whore 10 seconds later for not eating the spider* Me: Use a blunt object or something. Courtney: Can I use your shirt, Hannah? *uses it without waiting for an answer* Damn, doesn’t work. *hands to Rodney* Rodney: *holds his hands out* Courtney: Damn you and your femininity. Courtney: …where’s a fly swatter? Courtney: *spends 20 seconds getting said fly swatter, kills it, plays around with it and sets fly swatter on Rodney’s books (Rodney: Get that nasty thing off of my book.)*

Humor aside, there has been a death in my family (unfortunately, it has hit home a little more closer than the last two deaths, and happens to be my Uncle). I won’t go into the gory details, but basically my life is a little off balance right now. My sister is in avoidance mode, my Mom in emotional and my Dad in anger. Where I am? I have no idea. My tooth is also acting up again, and I feel like taking a wrench and ripping out the offending tooth than put up with feeling like crap.

The drama is starting, as with every death in the family, and for once, I’m staying the hell out of it. I did end up getting my Learner’s Permit on Tuesday (half of a driver’s license, if you will), I’m looking into finally getting my Diploma/GED (from home school) and Pumpin’! » is finally getting woken from the living dead. Despite these things, I still feel unaccomplished, like there are a million and one things I need to do right now and it’s sad that I still manage to clean the house everyday, keep up with house laundry (that seems to accumulate from 12 people instead of the six that live here) and get things done on the computer (that involves obsessively visiting The Hex Files and seeing updates from favourite sites). I suppose this is just a feeling of restlessness that needs to be extracted from the system, but I wish it would just do it already.

Did you guess this is all from one person? This whole “bitch!queen” act this person has going on has got to stop because, well, there is only room for one “bitch!queen” in the house, and you’re not it, person.

Edit (some four hours later): So upon installing Wamp Server on my computer (because Xampp decided to just die), I went smoothly through the process of installing and acquainting myself with the program, before realizing: I have no username and password. So upon looking in on phpMyAdmin, I found it and was greeted with this message at the bottom of the page:

“Your configuration file contains settings ([blank] with no password) that correspond to the default MySQL privileged account. Your MySQL server is running with this default, is open to intrusion, and you really should fix this security hole.”

*roll eye* That sounds like my 8-year-old neighbor telling me last year “you really need to shave your armpits.” Yes, 8-year-old MySQL database persona! I will fix it because I really should!

So the past week hasn’t been any busier than average, but all in all, it’s left me somewhat mollified. Saturday was amazing in the sense that I got my new USB cord via my wonderful Dad (who happened to celebrate his http://lyone.net/e/18/ Thanks to dear old andlt;a href="http://www.weather.com/newscenter/hurricanecentral/update/index.html?from=hurricane_tracker%255C" title="External Link: Hurricane Fay at weather.com"andgt;Fay andraquo;andlt;/aandgt;, I might be without out internet for a good few days. Never mind the power which I doubt will be very lasting, or the lack of communication (my "area" makes for bed reception all around), or the feeling of wanting to change shirts every five minutes, or the lack of canned goods my parents failed to buy, but the lack of internet might kill me. (andlt;a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/tesserini/2740672216/in/set-72157606650235139/" title="External Link: Lexion, my computer"andgt;Lexion andraquo;andlt;/aandgt;, who was born in late 2006, lacks the necessary components to actually have wireless internet (thanks Lexion, for the wonderful router you house)). However, honestly, I'm hoping we have power by Friday/Saturday; it's not the lack of activities we can do, but the strains of it being ridiculously hot and humid (and the inability to make it better) might makes us all scratch each others eyes out. Thanks to dear old Fay », I might be without out internet for a good few days. Never mind the power which I doubt will be very lasting, or the lack of communication (my “area” makes for bed reception all around), or the feeling of wanting to change shirts every five minutes, or the lack of canned goods my parents failed to buy, but the lack of internet might kill me. (Lexion », who was born in late 2006, lacks the necessary components to actually have wireless internet (thanks Lexion, for the wonderful router you house)).

However, honestly, I’m hoping we have power by Friday/Saturday; it’s not the lack of activities we can do, but the strains of it being ridiculously hot and humid (and the inability to make it better) might makes us all scratch each others eyes out.

It takes one to know one is a saying that goes through my mind when our neighbors call us selfish and are implying that everyone but them is. Sorry, but it does take one to know one.

To all babbler mouths: shut the hell up. Don’t talk about shutting the hell up, just do it. Talking about people behind their backs will hit you back tenfold, believe you me.

Rejections make for bad timing. Why is it fanlisting » rejections come at the worst time possible? Is it enough that my life is slightly askew and a 45mm would come in handy right about now? *eerie pause* I suppose not.

I have never met someone who wasn’t goo goo gah gah over a crush and I seriously doubt I ever will. Telling us about said crush isn’t enough, so therefore everyone in hearing distance must know about everything going on with you two, only leaving out your sex life (which is kind of the only thing worth hearing, anyway).

Acting your age is overrated, I hear, but when your 25 years old and still acting like a 14-year-old, I think it’s time you wake up and smell the damn adulthood. There’s no reason to be freaking out over “having some dick” or “uploading myspace pictures”, when your 25 years old!

End. That felt good, and honestly, the anger and wrath inside me needs to be released. I rather do it to poor old Lyone, then to some stranger walking down the street who happens to run into me.

GQ makes for happy times. But maybe it’s the men. It could be, and I try to talk myself into that, but it’s the clothes and the men. WIN.

I find it’s a bit like a case of copying if every fanlisting has this rule annoying and irrational because a) it’s not a required, and b) while it’s a required rule for almost all networks to list all members, they still tend to display it anyways. It comes along the lines of:

“You are not required to have a site; however, you are required to link back. If you do not, I will not link your website.”

WHY? I understand the whole links and hits thing going on (especially if it’s a clique) but a fanlisting is more or less “a listing of fans”; no where does it say “a listing of links”. I thought that people who create a fanlisting for something they love you know…love it, not have a million and eighty rules about linking back to the fanlisting you love. A fanlisting in which I have to enable JavaScript to work, search around for the damn navigation (thanks, I really appreciate the whole “Click the stars to navigate!” reminder–it makes it so much easier) and when I finally get to where I want to be, I have to scroll all the way down to find what I’m looking for.

I know Amber » touched on this » a bit before, but it’s still annoying me to no end. Usually ranting makes me feel better, but my eye still hurts from all the twitching it’s been doing. I could just talk to a senior staff at either network, but what’s the point? It’s nothing serious; while part of me wants to make a dramatic exit to the trouble checking world because of this, helping out is more important to me than complaining about the things that annoy me…to other people, that is.

(Happy entry coming to a internet near you! Or something.)

However, Haley » made a few good points » on McCain (one of the candidates) and his vice-president. Like her, I was all for Hillary, not just as a woman, but because she had something worth-while to say. I’m not going to vote for Obama because he’s black and I’m not voting for McCain because he’s a white man and I want to carry on the tradition. I don’t want to vote for either, because neither of them have said a damn thing that will help this country. United States is in a pit hole from hell that Bush dug, and unfortunately, zeroing in on Gay rights (or lack therefore), birth control rights or even the war on Iraq is not going to change a damn thing.

It’s sad, because anyone would think after going through so much, that the United States would endeavour to keep what happened before from happening again, but we as a whole must be suckers for our own punishment. Upon hearing my Dad’s opinion on what would happen if there’s an apocalypse made me even more sad; it showed his lack of trust in any other country but our own: if another country has something big and better than us, we should go to war with them. If that’s not an Bush-attitude, I don’t know what is.

Another point would be Global Warming; there’s not one point, because, as we cannot technically solve the problem, that would only mean we don’t know what the problem is. To say it’s all man-made is stupid: the world is old and like my old pajama pants, they’re going to be falling apart eventually. But, that’s not to say it’s all nature-based. Like those afore-mentioned pajamas, with a little help, I can make them almost brand-spanking-new. Global Warming is happening, and just because there’s seemingly no reason as to why, it doesn’t mean we can’t help.

Now that that is out of the way, I’m going to ignore the fact that I mentioned anything about an election or it’s problems. 18 or no, I will also endeavour not to vote, because I so did not purposely forget the voting pamphlet when I got my ID.

Tooth aches kill, they really do. I hate them, and it seems I’m the only one destined in my family to have bad teeth. Because crooked and gapped teeth isn’t enough, is it?

I’m learning Spanish and being in my seemingly first year of it (it’s being self-taught, so I’m going by what my sister should’ve learned), I’m realizing that Americans can’t talk worth a damn. Even Spanish people (back in the 70’s, which was when the book was made) spell cities and words the same way that some European countries do. We fail, we really do. I would try changing my language and spelling to the right way of things, but that would mean adding all those words to my browsers dictionary, which I’m entirely too lazy for.

One week and two days since I last drank coke, and I’m hating loving every minute if it. I’m trying to see how long I can go before I guiltily take that first drink. I could go forever without it, honestly, but it tastes good. D:

I’m typing this on a Windows Vista and so far so good. Except I can’t install my Adope Photoshop CS on here, which miffs me. And it feels cluttery, but it’s very shiny, and it’s very fitting for the computer retarded (as if I don’t understand what “Add/Remove Programs” could ever be! *slaps hands to face*). I’m still harcore “WINDOWS XP FTW BITCHES!”, but I wouldn’t mind an extra laptop with it.

Supernatural sucked, Smallville rocked is all I’m saying. I love Sam, but not only has his hair needed a good hairstyle for the past THREE SEASONS, but the new character’s actress is horrible. Smallville was awesome, however, and it’s definitely opening up several leads to a new season.

(This doesn’t include regular reruns each day of TV shows (Family Guy, Simpsons, Little House on the Prairie, etc).)

I think I might be a bit too obsessed with TV. I’ve always loved cinema, but this list (compiled in my mind just recently) made me think just how much time I devote to TV. It’s not as if I haven’t the time for anything; I clean everyday (think modern house maid), I read, I write, I code and design on the web, I dabble in photography, I watch movies, I’m learning Spanish, I ramble and rave about fashion (a look at my desk and a hear at my conversations could tell you that), so I’m not completely lacking in hobbies.

I guess I just have a love for a lot of things, and that makes me wonder if I could possibly love just one more thing.

I was accepted as a developer at The Fanlistings Network », along with four others! :D It’s definitely spiffy enough to squuueeeeee about!

Indiana Jones marathon tomorrow! As my Dad got the new one, I had to devote a day to watching all of them, since I’ve never watched them; this means that I actually have to keep my antsy ass in one place for at least six hours.

I cleaned my room and it’s shiiinnyyyy! I usually devote a whole day to it, at least once a month, but still; it’s nice walking on vacuumed carpets and laying down on clean (and hairless!) sheets! :D

dA (deviantArt) is bombtastic (and yes I know I linked to my own account, shut up), no lie! I also love the photography (and illustration) there, it’s amazing. Or maybe it’s just this deviation » that makes me giggle almost hysterically. Which gets me thinking about how many favourites I have, as I had to dig that one out. *mutters*

Oh, and new layout. I’m not one for devoting a whole entry to something I see as pointless (at least with my own site), so yeah. And it’s rotating images!

Last year was absolute disaster for me, as I neither plotted, nor planned the story out. Normally stories come to me, but without some key plotting, it falls through. This year, however, will be different, as I’ve plotted most of it, and I also have some handy-dandy articles on Grammar, in which case I knew almost everything I read. I thought I’d be learning something new, but I suppose not.

Now, once nanowrimo.org stops being the slowest site on the face of the Internet, I will update my profile and install the plugin again. :D Win!

Obama won the presidential race, and before I continue, I’m going to cut off the entry. I really don’t like talking about politics; however, I still want to voice some concerns, and I feel giving people a choice to hear me out is much better than forcing it down their throats.

{MORE}

First off, I didn’t vote. I’m of age, but I didn’t really feel the need to vote. Key word: didn’t, past tense. I honestly wish I had, as I really would have liked to tick “yes” for Gay marriage, as well as vote for Obama (or possibly neither; I still have doubts). However, this was a lesson well taught, so I will be voting in the future.

Both candidates had some amazing points, but both had some not-so-amazing points, such as Obama’s 6-month abortion policy. I believe in choice, but not to the extent of killing a child at such a late stage. It’s hypocritical, yes, but it’s still gruesome, and I can honestly see women using the excuse to get out of a rut they threw themselves into.

Another issue is helping the poor. Of course, this’ll lead to the middle-class suffering more than they already are, as we’ll be paying to help the poor. In my honest-to-God opinion, if Obama wants to help the poor, there’s need to be change. I understand disabilities and retirement, I understand some families who are truly poor, but I don’t understand some families using the excuse. If rich and middle-class families have to pay their way, why can’t the poor? Are the poor really that better off living off of someone else’s tax dollars instead helping themselves? It’s not fair in my eyes, to the rich or the middle-class, it’s not fair at all.

Besides these concerns, I’m still happy. I won’t point out Palin’s “flaws” (as it were), as I really don’t believe in pointing them out in such a manner, but let’s just say having Palin in office would have been disastrous to the already-rebellious teen world of the US, and to everyone else, really.

In spite of my argument of almost no difference in living, I’m not saying the country is exactly like city life. There are some things that any normal person wouldn’t see (e.g.: every car (including four wheelers and golf carts) known to man riding down our rock road), and I was reminded of this yesterday.

Upon sitting in the car yesterday afternoon, waiting for my Dad to get his check cashed at some small convenient store (yep: almost 2000 dollars worth of just 20 dollar bills), a conversation popped up between my Mom and I:

Mom: Now that’s something you don’t see everyday…? Me: A little boy riding a girl’s bike? Mom: No…well, yes, but that woman’s hair is shaved on the sides. Me: Like how Hannah and I used to do…oh, look, there’s two more boys on girl’s bikes.

So my Mom and I spent the next five minutes discussing said boys (who were all obviously brothers and ranged from about 10 to 17) on girl’s bikes, including the oldest, who had obviously gotten the short end of the stick, and was riding a neon pink bike. My Mom’s theory was that they were bored and really wanted to go to the store; my theory was that their sisters were being bitches and decided to take their bikes (…which might explain how they ended up getting girl bikes in the first place), and having no other transportation, decided to say fuck it.

In the city, that would’ve never happened. In the city, aforementioned brothers would’ve tracked down those bitches and a) beat them (playfully, of course) or b) bribed the hell out of them, because they were so not going to ride around on girl bikes. Once again, in the city, the whole population of boys (and I’m talking 1 on up to 24 (ha ha)) are either thugs or indie-wannabes, and riding on girl bikes would’ve ruined the reputation they seem think they have.

Of course, the conversation then switched to how boys were pressured to act like boys and girls could do whatever they wanted. If my sisters and I showed up at the store with “boy” bikes, there would be no questions or second glances; boys on girls bikes, while hilarious, will in fact get questions (and obviously a whole entire conversation) and second glances.

So all men-hater feminists out there: stick that in your back pocket, and without scoffing, please. Men and women all have pressures and issues, and just because men choose not to bitch about it doesn’t mean they don’t exist, and doesn’t mean it isn’t any harder for them.

Me: *listening to Amanda Ghost eight million times* Mom: *looks at Dad* You got oysters! *squees and cackles* Aunt: *eating them* Dad: *hugs Aunt* “Yes, she’s happy. She got oysters and she got laid this morning…”

*facepalm*

Despite Jem » consistently touching on these issues, it never occurred to me how shitty a person’s website could be until you actually pay attention to the coding at hand. Example: I’m helping a friend out¹, and I come across their CSS, which is the cause of their problem: their #container DIV isn’t aligning the right way. Of course, this leads me to investigate further, and I realise something: their coding is fucking atrocious! (insert a billion explanation points here) I haven’t been living in the old ages where iframes and nonexistent Doctypes still live, yet somehow it never occurred to me how badly someone can code.

Isn’t that what most (worth-their-salt) reviewers have been saying all along? Your coding is horrible, what makes you think you’re website isn’t? Isn’t that the basis of most people’s problems? No Doctype (and Doctype confusion, such as closing line breaks, but not images), terrible CSS, scrollbar styles that only work in two² browsers?

It opened my already slitted eyes. I realise my coding isn’t the nicest to look at (especially the font styles, I’m terrible when it comes to them), but I know that my coding isn’t bad, nor does it ruin every browser in the Internet world. So as a end to this little rant of mine, I want to give a little advice: if your CSS ruins itself in Firefox (or Opera, we’ll include that beast in there for good measure), your coding sucks. No, wait, let me rephrase that: if your CSS sucks (much less your HTML!), your site sucks. Just because your validator ticks true » and your site looks decent in Firefox, doesn’t mean that your coding is fine, much less correct. For those who give a rats ass, and I know a good percent of web designers don’t care about their coding, at least try to make it better. Just because you want to copy the next best graphic designer, doesn’t mean your coding has to be as shitty as theirs.

1. “Friend” is an example. Not one person is being targeted specifically (you’re not that special).
2. Correct me if I’m wrong; I deleted most browsers from my computer, and I’m too lazy to check elsewhere, therefore I’m sure I’m 99% wrong on this.

I have to remedy this situation, now don’t I?

Music. Yes, something that can be both annoying and moving at the same time. It’s this way with anything else, really (art, movies/TV, sports), but what’s different, is we can be moved by the vocals of the singers (oh, am I resisting that fanlisting!), the lyrics of the song and yes, the instruments that make the symphony. What’s even more exciting is there are genres, such as Rock, Rap and Techno (…and classic, something I enjoy, believe it or not!).

The point of this post in general is how my music tastes differ from others. It’s not just one genre I’m partial to, it’s the exact opposite: what genre am I not partial to? My » Last.fm Top 8 Artists at my Last.fm » profile is so…random. Upon looking at the artists, you have (should) realize my artists are different. There are not two artists on the eight artist list that belongs in the same category (though Disturbed and Breaking Benjamin are probably the closest)!

What do I love about music? That’s the real question, really. What draws me to the various artists » I listen to? I’ve tried narrowing it down to vocals, instruments and lyrics; I’ve tried singling out artists by looks; I’ve even tried pretending which artists I could be (yes, men, too!).

Beat. Thinking. Flashing images of memories and future times. Perhaps that sounds like something Raine » would say, but it might just be true. If truth be told once again, I’m beginning to think I’m versatile in my loves for things, and in how much I can love in the category.

Emo is a music genre. Only, if that.

Oh, did I just jump right into that? Me = bad. But…while I’m there, might as well start off. First off, yes, I am aware if I were to pick on any sort of stereotype, I could aim for the (incorrect) “Scene”, or possibly the stupidly unintelligent, a-blind-person-could-tell-different “Screamo”, but I want to piss off some Emo kids. And make fun of you in the process. Moving on…

The term Emo started off in the 1980’s as a music genre—while it hasn’t been exactly claimed as such (i.e. Rock, Rap, etc.), that’s what it is, and it’s short for emotional. Most people like to classify a rock band as such, and in the 2000’s, it grew into a fashion genre, for people with tighter-than-6-sizes-too-small jeans and a bang swoop. Researching aside, I’m going to give a bulleted list not only on the lack of intelligence the second genre is, but also the lack of clarity in the music genre, as well.

1. Music. Music can be anything (and I think I covered the amount of “emotion” » behind it) and as such, “emotional” can be applied to any genre. First off, applying rock bands under this is fucking bullshit. If you’re going to apply the label (short. for. emotional.–get it right), you’re going to have to apply it to classical bands, rap musicians and country artists. Nine times out of ten, a musician will write/produce/sing an “emotional” song, therefore making them “emo”. (Oh, did I just scare you? Sorry about that.) Another little tidbit—most bands people have classified as Emo have stated that it’s “a pile of shit”, “bullshit” and “the most retarded term ever”. Quote, unquote, m’dears, so stick that in your back pocket.
2. Fashion. If you’ve applied the “emo” genre to strictly rock bands, you have obviously not thought about the fashion aspect, now have you? Fashion…can be emotional. In a artsy, hippy way, and not in tight jeans and a bad bang job. Seeing someone with tight(ish) jeans and a trendy hairstyle doesn’t make them “emo”, because you have no idea if they’re emotional or not. Yeah, they could be a robotic asshole for all anyone knows, and yet someone instantly applies a genre to someone without even knowing who they are, or even how they dress–it could have been laundry day. Fashion isn’t suppose to have genres, it is what it is, without any spectacular subcategories.

I know a lot of people will roll their eyes at my…rather enthusiastic shitty-ness there, but I do believe it’s all bullshit. Most people know it is, but I want to reach out to those who are still unbelievably wrapped up in the image. Whenever I hear someone say, “I want to be Emo!” or say “I’m Emo!”, no level of intelligence is shining through, my friend. Look it up, research your shit. If you’re going to stereotype yourself, know what the hell you’re talking about beforehand.

For anyone who didn’t know, Harry Potter was what got me into what I do now–Web Design. Something I love and hate, something I love as hobby, and love as a job. Something that has ruled my life since it’s been introduced to me, and something that has taught me far more than I thought I ever would.

Harry Potter…a series half of the world loves, half of the world hates. HP was introduced to me in fourth grade, when the first and second books were read to me. I love them, and I loved the mystery, intrigue and captivating world behind them. I love HP! When I found out there were going to be movies, I went to the first, and it is now a tradition in the family to go see every one. I’ve watched all the young stars grow up, grow beards and flash us nude photos (yes, I’m looking at you, DanRad!). I’ve seen the first three movies bomb their way into non-HP-readers hearts, felt the 4^th movie flop in my heart (WORST. DIRECTION. EVER.) and lift back up with the 5^th (BEST. MOVIE. EVER).

6^th movie? I’m excited. Because no matter how much I stray from HP, it always come back to this. Me getting all excited for the adventure our family will take this coming summer, angry at the push back HP got (and for as shitty as a movie Twilight was, that was a crap move, WB) and excited at the theme park that is right outside my city. I get to hear DanRad’s half-annoying-if-he-wasn’t-cheeky British accent, Tom’s perfect features, Emma’s stunning growth and Rupert’s manliness. WIN. (I won’t mention the other actors, I could go on for hours with that.)

It always come back to this. If I could make up a song on how much HP has changed my world, I don’t think it’d ever compare to the love inside me. Thank you, J.K. Rowling, because without you, I don’t know where I’d be in life. That’s sappy and a little sad, and yes, pathetic in a sense, but it’s the truth, baby dolls.

WampServer: Your configuration file contains settings that correspond to the default MySQL privileged account. Your MySQL server is running with this default, is open to intrusion, and you really should fix this security hole. Translation: We’re lazy fuckers, and we’re displaying this so we’re not held reliable. Oh, and change your shit.

Google: Google Chrome is a browser that combines a minimal design with sophisticated technology to make the web faster, safer, and easier. Translation: Get in fucking line, Google is ruling the world. With a browser, we’re one step closer to overcoming it.

———

Hilarity (and please take it as so; I’d hate to explain away any misunderstandings) aside, Christmas was good. Not with it’s own amount of stress, but good nonetheless. :D Printer, which is a Canon (like my shiny new camera » I got for my birthday), and it’s badass, so no lame geek jokes. It can print photos from my memory card from aforementioned camera, and it can copy and scan like no other printer can (…well, theoretically it can, there’s other copies out there).

New Years is almost here, and of course, resolution time. Truly, I feel resolutions are made in vain, and almost three quarters are never actually done, much less tried. To solve this dilemma before me, I’ve stuck with two I know I can accomplish in a years time:

Learn JavaScript, in which I hate. Hate, hate, hate. If I can turn it off in my browser, I feel unsafe. However, it can benefit my scripts and I, so I’m going to kick the bucket and do it. Get more active, though this isn’t necessarily about weight, just about me getting for active and healthy. Can’t hurt, and there’s no limit.

…and yeah. Here’s to a new year, filled with hopefully lots of good things all around! :D

1. The Harry Potter Series » is the only non-romantic books I’ve read and will read. I’d like to say it’s because I found HP before I found *my* genre, but it’s also the fact that it’s well written for it’s genre, and, well…it’s HP (rant on why HP is HP coming soon…ish).
2. I sleep with four pillows and two blankets. Year-round. NOT the cause of sweaty mornings in the summer. It’s because I don’t get a breeze.
3. I feel like I should be in the 1800’s. I don’t necessarily think they way women did then, but sometimes I think and act like it.
4. I can perfect a country¹, “southern bell” and British accent. And sometimes Northern if I try really hard.
5. I love romance, I love comedy, I love horror/thriller, but nothing gets me going as action movies do. You know, disgustingly buff men who try to talk in an accent they suck at with a absolutely horrible plot. Oh…*drools*
6. I avoid teenage genres like the plague. Teenage movies, teenage books, teenage anything. I’m still one, but I’ve never really connected with it. Teenage books are also pure crap (…OK, I can give testament to quite a few good ones). This is also partly the reason I won’t read the Twilight series.
7. My Dog, Baby », is my best friend.
8. I have a scar about three to four inches long on my left arm. I’ve had it since I was a baby, and acquired it by a curling iron.
9. Out of my two sisters², I’m the shortest at 5′7″ 1/2. However, I’d like to think my bombtastic personality makes me larger than life.

And end. Amazing, huh? :D Now, you don’t have to tell me what you’ll do with that information, but I will ask you to tell me something I don’t know about you. I know I’ll get -2 responses, but I gave a properly boring ending to a boring entry.

1. Country as in “obnoxious” country accent. Like, Georgia or Alabama obnoxious.
2. Jackie (5′10″) is older and currently distant, and Hannah (5′8″ 1/2) is younger.

Oh. Lyone’s new backend, you ask? Yes, Lyone’s new backend, as in a new CMS (thingy…not quite sure the new URLs will be quite the same structure). In February of last year, I switched to WordPress from my old script, Lyone Admin, though it was intended to be temporary until I could find the time to edit Lyone.

Cue a year later…just now found the time to think about it, much less start working on it. With no Internet last week, and now no Wireless Internet, I am given a great amount of time offline to do whatever. When I’m not working on ST!A 2.0 », I’ll be slowly but surely working out the kinks for Lyone Admin 2.0. As WampServer doesn’t have a sufficient e-mail or .htaccess system, it’ll be a while before it naturally becomes public.

The features? A user system that’s shiny. To me at least, considering it’s my first dynamic user system since…ever. Right now, that’s about all the great features it has. I can post entries, comments and templates, but on the frontend aspect of things…yeah, nothing there. Right now, it displays entries and archives, which is something.

So, I provide you with screenshots of Lyone Admin 2.0 so far. The first two belong to the “admin” (that would be me); the third belongs to a “member” status, and the fourth belongs to a “reader” status.

[images removed]

Did I mention it has rotating images? That rocks my socks, but of course, it’s all for me. :P However, this…isn’t set in stone completely. I might just use this privately and never make it public, or I might make it public and hack-worthy. We shall see!

Back to the title: “…and the Indians mated with the white people.” Not a direct quote, but something like that came from my » very strange, » very horny Dad. Yes, you guessed it, I asked about my history.

My Dad has two Dads; his step-dad who adopted him when he was twelve, and his real father, who my Dad met at/after he was 40. I love both of them dearly, and it was to my surprise and delight that my sister and I found out that we were in some way Indian. Yes, Native Indian. As in, real Americans. When I asked my Dad if he knew how we were Native Indian several months ago, his answer (and “story” as it were) was:

Me: Dad? We’re Indian right? From Grandpa Rodney? Dad: Yes, we are. About a couple of centuries back, we were pure Indian until we mated with the white people.

…yeah. I swear on my very hearty heart that my Dad is the strangest man that ever lived. His weird topics of discussion, such as the “zipper” incident (Courtney came out with “What has 1000 teeth and can hold the incredible hulk? My zipper.“) which resulted in my Dad wondering how many zippers there actually were on jeans, before trying to mentally count them. Or maybe his very high shopping trip a few months ago that had him going to about thirteen different food stores. Or perhaps it’s his needing me to write this off-the-wall story about an old man and his adventures.

Back on topic once more: yes, I want to learn about my history. Indians have enraptured me since I can remember, and sometimes I even dreamed about living as one/marrying one. I even have theories about how my half-white (well…on the inside, the Indians are like the damn Asians, they carry genes like nobody’s business (I know, that comparison was lame, maybe someday I will come up with something more catchier)) children will venture to England and meet an English warlord who’s half assassin, half lord…OK, maybe I’m living in the 1800s on that one. Fascinating, I say.

Now, if only I wasn’t so lazy as to open another tab in my browser and go to Wikipedia » and actually learn about them.

1. First off: I have finally converted all old entries over to the new script. It took about, oh, two months, but it is done. Archives and pagination still do not exist, but this should be fixed very soon.
2. Secondly, my laptop screen is half-broken. I mention this because this is why it’s taken so long to get to this point, both figuratively and literally. Until I can get some converter cords for another screen, I am stuck with half a screen and sharing the house computer. All projects of mine will be continued, by God, it just might take longer than I initially planned.
3. We are officially moved into the new house! I never got the chance to mention us moving, but we were and have done so. That’s not to say some things are still hectic, but we are out of the old place, and back into city life.

There’s quite a bit more, but I’m choosing to disclose some of that. Here’s to a new beginning (officially) with Lyone! :D

I personally decided for my two cats, Jonn Beneé and TJ, that Jonn Beneé would remain inside my room with her own kitty box, and TJ would remain an outside cat². While Jonn Beneé slept with me every night at the old place, she a) didn’t always spend her every waking (and sleeping) moment with me and b) she didn’t have a kitty box, so she knew that she could not stay in my room for the whole day.

I underestimated Jonn Beneé. I really, really did. I thought she’d be OK–was a fact that my dog, Baby, took the move the hardest–but I didn’t think she’d try to drive me fucking ape crazy:

1. Jonn Beneé wakes me up every morning. I know this, because she woke me up anywhere between 4-7 at the old place to be let out. I don’t know why she continues to–I always make sure her bowls are filled up before bed–but she does. A part of me thinks it’s because she’s a cuddler, and a huge one at that. It doesn’t matter where I am, as long as I am not standing, she’s there, ready to lay in my lap or sit on my face.
2. Driving the cuddling point home: I was having some “fun time” with a certain mechanical toy one night, and as this is usually when we cuddle, she couldn’t get the hint that we could not share this toy. I had to interrupt my nice pace several times to push her off of me, before pushing her off the bed. I don’t understand this either, because when I push TJ off, he more than gets the hint.
3. I didn’t notice this before–which is hard, considering I’ve raised her since she practically came out of the womb–but she’s extraordinarily vocal. She mostly does this when she’s angry or irritated, but once again, when it comes to morning time, she’s chirping away. One thing to know about Tess: despite me being able to adjust to any schedule, I’m not a morning person, and I don’t want to hear anything for the first hour or so.
4. I have this ritual, and Jonn Beneé has mostly attuned herself to it, and a little too much if you ask me. Night time (not bed time) is when I close the blinds–she absolutely cannot peak through them or touch them unless the blinds are up–and when the lamp switches on. Bed time is when the lamp switches off and the laptop goes down. I crawl into bed, having put something-or-other on, and am immediately…assaulted with the smell of cat ass. Apparently, she likes shitting best when I’m laying down, so I can roll around in the smell. Cue in the least favourite perfume–most perfume wearers have this–which is sprayed around the room in frantic sweeping motions.
5. Blind freak ahoy! She likes a specific spot on a box, which gives her lots of access to lizards (that she can’t eat–another thing she tells me about) and people. She’s very nosy, » as you can see.
6. A few others: she takes up most of my bed when she sleeps on it–which is 99.9% of the time. She likes sitting on my papers–I’ve given her own, which she constantly tears to pieces–she likes having plenty of water, and will make a fuss if she doesn’t have much and she’s getting fat. Not enough exercise, apparently. She’s also as miffed as I am about Smallville’s past season, and has declared claim over a » certain somebody (just like me with the whole manly men thing³), which also happens to attest to her stealing my laptop space, whether my laptop is actually there or not.

Let this be a warning to all: having a cat is cool and all, it’s great, but think before you commit. I know it sounds all cute, but this is me exercising a great deal of patience on my end. Of course, this isn’t to say cats are horrible–they are beautiful, beautiful creatures, and I wouldn’t give mine (or the family’s, for that matter!) up for the world.

1. OK, not really. We let them into the laundry room (it’s a regular sized room, but we have to put insulation into it) when the weather gets bad.
2. TJ was raised by our neighbours as an outside cat–not exactly how I wanted him to be raised, but he prefers it.
3. According to Christina, that’s what my preference is. Like I asked her. (:D)

1. My laptop, Lexion, broke down again in under two months of having it back, which will of course narrow down my computer time from 10 hours a day to all of…oh, two in a week. Yeehaw!
2. My sister decided–yes, decided, without asking–that she’d invite her 12.9 million friends over for another friend’s 19^th birthday party, which leaves me locked in a room with cable and movies. Cool thing, except when you tire of it after days of nothing but.
3. I’m taking calls for said friend (of my sister’s), six in the past ten minutes. And I wasn’t even asked to. But, because I’m nice and a push over for not voicing my concerns or irritations vocally, I’m doing it.
4. Don’t care if anybody gets offend–Lord forbid!–but I’m so fucking sick and tired of teenagers thinking they can rule the world from where they stand. Yes, I am one myself, but I’d like to think under my parents roof that I owe them the respect and curtsy two other teenagers in the house don’t. Call me old fashioned.

…argh!

I’m taking several deep breaths, and I’m just trying not to blow a blood vessel. I know it’s probably killing people to read rants from me half the time, but I’m not apologising–it’s well over due I’ve let loose, and it’s least it’s in a blog entry, and not at the persons at fault.

I’ve respected them so much for that, because now that I am able to really understand and grasp the concept of a lot of things, I’m able to see religions for what the are–or what they aren’t. I’m not just talking of a God-like religion either–I’m talking cultures, beliefs and opinions, from politics to Buddhism. I’m able to choose and devote myself to anything, and even if it was Satanism, my parents would accept me–sure, they may not agree with the religion/culture I’ve decided to follow, but as their daughter, they believe in me, and that’s enough.

Which leads me to my point: I don’t understand parents who force their beliefs or cultures on their children, and I don’t understand persons who follow their “culture” blindly without knowing a lick of it. I know several parents who have done that same thing, and despite being friends with them, I don’t doing that to a child who, more or less, will either a) not follow that religion when they’re old enough to choose for themselves or b) completely turn around and do the exact opposite of what their parents want.

Example: I follow several people’s blogs, and while they don’t live in the country their family originated from, they are of a certain descent, and their parents are constantly telling them that they have to remain celibate until marriage, not date men other than what they are, and any other thing they deem as inappropriate. While any person who blogs and talks of their experiences hasn’t let that hindered them from living their own personal life, it still affects the person. They completely separate themselves from everybody else, claiming they’re an “Asian”, or some such thing, and will sometimes claim to be completely different from the country they were raised in, and more or less can’t relate at all to their own heritage.

I’m Irish, English, Indian and German (if I calculated, I’d say 50% German, 25% Irish, 20% English and 5% Indian)–but I don’t live my life by any of these cultures. While I’d personally love to read more about Ireland’s religions, and some Indian tribes, I don’t claim to be these things, just because I read ten books on them. I believe in God, but I’m not a religious person. I’m learning (and somewhat know) Spanish, but I’m not Spanish, and I’m not claiming to be. I’m an American. I was born and raised American, and whether I like it or not, I’ll always be an American. I’ll always be on the cusp of religion, wondering if there is something there, or if it’s all bull crap. More importantly, I’ll be an American with red hair and nothing else to account for.

I’m not saying it’s wrong to follow your own culture (especially if you are very close to it) or religious beliefs, whether blindly or not, but seeing someone claim their several things back and forth and not understand it is…well, sad. If you want to be Asian, be an Asian–but don’t claim to be one if you’re a redneck from Alabama, and can’t spell “Australia” the correct way. As for the religious aspect, I find it hard to believe someone claiming to be (for example) a Christian, and not believe in half the stuff the religion believes; it’s your choice, but I find that giving yourself only to a certain aspect is cheating whatever that may be and more importantly, you.

As a almost-not-any more teenager, I did question myself. It wasn’t that I found girls to be attractive–quite the contrary–but my family has always been accepting of such a thing, and my hormones were raging. Before you can really test the water á la have sex, you really don’t know. Of course, this is discluding positive feelings, because there are people who do go their whole lives without a second question to their preference.

I didn’t grow up as a normal teenager, so I’m not one. I was, more or less, sexually stunted. I liked boys, but I didn’t think of sex before I was 15. It’s the society now–my 12-year-old cousin (12!) has already had sex…and I wasn’t even looking at boys then!–that really introduces the aspect of sex, even if your body isn’t ready for it. Back on track, I was 15, and I had sex. I’ll admit it, I’m in the process of confessing my inner most thoughts, might as well get that out there, too; I don’t mean to divulge too much, but in order to get my point across, it’s relevant.

It was a mistake. I don’t regret it, because I don’t regret a lot of things, but in hindsight, I knew I was only doing it because it was the first guy to pay attention to me (and the last, unfortunately), and I wanted to feel that. I wasn’t attracted to him, only the act. I liked it–not the act, because that left a lot to be desired–but the feeling itself. I knew then I wasn’t attracted to girls, but a secret part of me still questioned it, even at 19-years-old, and well aware of my own hormones, and what I really feel now.

So, while questioning, and in St. Augustine, Florida on a mini-vacation with the family, I was down and out. We went to the beach–the only thing that made me feel better at the time–and then out to dinner. Minus the two flat tires and overall hassle of not having a car, I suddenly spotted a family. I didn’t pay attention, because as mentioned, I wasn’t feeling my usual quietly cheerful self.

The Dad of the family went out, unnoticed by me, and then came back in at some point. This, folks, was the moment I knew I was not gay; I wouldn’t personally be ashamed of such a thing, if I was, but this was epic (to me). Anyway, he walks in, in fitted jeans with a belt, a blue t-shirt tucked in only at the waist and…oh my God, is he Hispanic? I thought, and melted. And perked up, because now I had eye-candy to glance all through dinner, however brief it was. I’m attracted to dark-skinned men (Hispanic, Mexican, Asian, you name it!), and I couldn’t believe my eyes. I wasn’t jealous of his wife, despite me somewhat wishing I, a not-really-all-that-attractive white girl, could attract him or someone very much like him. That was my reckoning.

Of course, I could have figured this out in 2002, when my sister and I would giggle on the couch and point at Daniel Radcliffe’s crotch in The Chamber of Secrets, or at Tom Felton’s pretty features in the same field (er…maybe that was jealously more than it was attraction); or when I had my stalker » who I was also secretly interested in, too; or when my sister, Uncle and I fangirled over Taylor Lautner’s new body last week.

1. Almost. I can’t be quite sure, I only have the sister and her friends to rely on. And stories from others, but that’s certainly no ground to walk on.
2. I have this theory, before it was really questioned and Religious crusaders, and old Grandmas, that being gay was OK. Just a theory, but the feeling is bone-deep.

It was 2005 (…I think), and I was sort-of, kind-of getting into romance novels. I loved them, sucked all of them up like a vampire woken from the grave after 1,000 years and thirsting for blood. I couldn’t get enough! I did thriller, romance, historical romance, paranormal romance, you name it! If it had romance (of the sex kind, and Twilight is not of that kind), I was reading it. When I ventured across Suzanne Brockmann’s Navy SEAL series, I was instantly hooked. When I bought Hot Target, with the infamous character, FBI Agent (and openly, fabulously gay) Jules, I was even more excited with the series, because I felt there wasn’t enough same-sex relationships–much less people who were gay!–in Literature today.

I’ve always been a supporter of gay rights–having open-minded parents and a gay Uncle helps, hm?–but I had never explored how I really felt about it. I didn’t hate it, I just…didn’t know how I felt about it. In Hot Target, the sexual tension that happened between Jules, and his future husband, Robin (the main character’s brother) was…so intense. I read it from beginning to end without putting it down (back in the day when I couldn’t read a book in under six hours, but that’s for another day), and was very unsatisfied when I realised their story was not through.

Another thing? I listened to Forget It by Breaking Benjamin, hitting reply on my stereo ALL NIGHT LONG. This snippet stood out to me the most:

It’s a crime you let it happen to me
Out of mind, I love it, easy to please
Nevermind, forget it, just memories
On a page inside a spiral notebook

The entire song (you can read the lyrics at azlyrics.com ») is them in that book. It’s such a tragic song in it’s own right, and yet explains away so many words that cannot be said. That, my friends and viewers, is how I ended up getting into slash (for those who don’t know: a same sex pairing). I started with Harry/Draco from Harry Potter (which, along with Arthur/Merlin from Merlin, will always be my OTP), Arthur/Merlin from Merlin, Jack/Ianto from Torchwood, Brian/Justin from Queer as Folk (that is a given, kthnx) and even L/Light from the anime, Death Note. Yes, I am so very…well, I obviously have too much free time on my hands.

Now, after I finish The Taboolistings » of course, I will endeavour to write the most angsty Arthur/Merlin piece of fic based off that song, because Christina » has me dishing out the most angsty crap ever and I need practise. Watch out, it’ll make you cry (and she will, too).

So, in apologies to her for befriending me and further making her life half a hell (I never I wasn’t a perverted, demanding and creative little whore…minus the creative, of course), I present to you, what I do after six o’clock:

Ignoring the crappy quality of the photo, this is me curled up at the end of my bed in my quilt (that you can’t see) on top of my comfy comforter and duvet, with Nay-Nay glaring at the camera because I had to move her off my papers yet again, with some Harry/Draco pr0n at my fingertips. In fact, I think those stories were HATING HARRY POTTER » (by oldnuf2nobetter) and Adrift » (by dysonrules)–yes, that’s right, I can switch Harry and Draco as tops because I am very versatile like that–which is rather fitting, given my pillow » at the “end” of my bed.

So it may not perverted or creative, or even demanding, but…damn it all, it’s fun to me!

King Arthur, as I call my camera, apparently rules » my » life ». It was inevitable, when I first picked up a disposable camera at the tender age of…[missing memory]–basically I’ve always had a camera in my hand.

It’s only been two days, and there’s been almost ten instances of me going “oh, that is a camera moment!” before almost running to get it before I realised I didn’t have it. It’s for a great cause, granted, when I handed King Arthur and his charger over to my Uncle, but I miss him so much. I remember running into the fields of Wandering Trail with his cord wrapped around my wrist; I remember running around the cats, demanding they stay still and pitching the fit of the century when they wouldn’t listen to me; I remember just earlier this week getting pissed that the lizards wouldn’t stop running from me, or, if they did, they’d only stay for a moment, as if tormenting me; I even remember when the first night I got it trying out the zoom on my cinnamon apple candle while my sister checked her e-mail² on my laptop³.

I…definitely need a new hobby.

1. More like four and a half days. Technically.
2. Which is codeword for checking her MySpace, Facebook, OK Cupid and looking up various crap that holds no importance to anyone but herself.
3. …who died. Oh, didn’t mention that? Well, Lexion is now officially deceased. RIP Lexion!

I was coding a layout for Michelle » in WordPress (…so WordPress left an impression on me), and a few bugs popped up.

Mainly, the recent posts thing. You see, I thought this code would certainly work, because I had used it before myself:


 }
}
?>

It’s not the fact that I could pull directly from the table (which is horrible by far), but the fact that I was guessing the table variable–and it took 2+ hours to actually find the $wpdb variable!–shows how much WordPress + Tess != happy situations and experiences.

I’m not one to down a script, and I know not every script is perfect for everyone, but I don’t know how I managed to to be OK with dealing with WordPress on a daily basis for as long as I did–because, sometimes, WordPress is just so frustrating!

First off: it’s not a complete re-design, only a rework of of the user system, mainly directed at making users’ experience better than mine. Which should tell you how very unselfish I am¹.

Users can now: register (to make a long story short, CAPTCHA works like a charm) and login from the main page. From there they can edit their profile and post comments á la WordPress, except there’s, well, more SPAM protection. This means that you don’t have to fill out any more forms (except comments) or click “Log Comment” every time you want to post a comment.

Users with a member status can upload as many userpics as they want á la LiveJournal, except there’s no limit, and your userpics won’t disappear at random intervals or be renamed for no apparent reason.

As for the layout itself: it took three days (yes, three days) to not only make up the idea for the layout and code it, but to code the code behind it. Such as the RSS feed for Flickr and LastFM, and to make sure users could do the things I stated above. There may or may not be a very rant-y post coming up about the struggle I had with WordPress, RSS/XML and OOP, and why I’d have to have a struggle with WordPress in the first place…!

1. OK, not completely selfless—I had fun doing it, and or I don’t think I’d have done it.

…which didn’t bother either of us, even if I did feel a little guilty, and I soon after posted three tweets about how I wasn’t going to change it, and to shut the fuck up about it unfollow me if they had a problem. While I personally was a little “they’re mad at me? *sob*” at first, I was highly amused when people started unfollowing me soon after I posted my tweets. After a couple of days, I soon forgot about the whole thing, and continued about my business.

However. I went to go show my sister someone’s Twitter last week, and realised they had unfollowed me, and it then set my entire day apart, because I realised they had unfollowed me after I defended them on a certain subject. Don’t get me wrong: I don’t expect a sorry, or thank you–hell, I don’t even expect acknowledgement!–but it unsettled me, because I realised instead of confronting me, they simply unfollowed me. Which is mature, if you don’t want to hear anybody’s crap or deal with them, but the whole entire aspect of unfollowing somebody is the principle of the matter: if you have a problem with somebody, unfollow them! YAY! In fact, I told people to unfollow me if they had a problem with me, and they did.

Is that what we’ve come to? If we have a problem with someone, we simply unfollow them, pretend they’re not there, go about our merry lives as if they never existed? Instead of picking up the phone, or skipping over to somebody’s house, to tell that person, hey, you hurt my feelings or even what you did was uncool, we simply click “Unfollow” on a screen, and all our problems are solved?

Needless to say, it’s left a bitter taste in my mouth. I’ve never been one for putting technology down for becoming what it has, but if this is what technology could possibly turn me into, then I really don’t think I want much to do with it.

So, in a bid to be a bit different, I decided to compile a list of what’s been going on with me as of late¹.

1. For the past two weeks, I’ve been working furiously on Listing Admin », so much so that I cleaned the entire house (and I have a nice sized house) all in under two hours when I got frantic, and I now have a dime-sized callous on my right wrist. I feel lost, now that the main update is over, so much so I find myself daydreaming about coding + web development twice as much as I did before…I even sent myself to sleep last night with all of my dribble!
2. In a bid to be more active in a community other than web development, I started teaching myself Piano, which is pissing me off, because I can’t control it with a mouse! Despite this, I’ve managed to learn all the keys (CDE, FGAB), learn half the notes (I only have one note down), one simple song and three Kate Nash songs. Yay?
3. Raine » (yes, you are featured twice in a blog post…amazing) posted a very spot-on post about weight loss » and how we actually don’t really do it properly, and I ran into that little issue here lately; I thought I was losing a bit of weight, despite me not exercising for quite some time. I take medication for a disorder, and it’s causing me to not hold any type of food down, which I found out was the cause of my weight loss. Of course, the thing to do would be to, oh, stop taking the medication, except I’m stubborn and a little bit of a cheap-o; I’m stubborn in the sense that I refuse to back down from the challenge and a cheap-o, because I hate switching medications, and despite me not being able to eat (most of the time, not all), the medication is working great for me. Doctor’s appointment in October will address this, I hope.
4. I’ve been enjoying the Fall TV line-up (…somewhat, but that’s another post down the road), and also Fall itself! We are in the middle of our first cold front, and it’s so nice not to have to run the air conditioner on high, and to walk outside feeling comfortable. Florida does not always equal the most fabulous of weather, and I’m truly hoping this’ll bring a good Winter.

There’s a few other bits and odds, but they’re a bit private, so I’ll leave it on that lovely note, yeah?

1. I almost went with Raine’s idea (er, meme?) of listing bad habits, but I’m a bit robotic and unreal, and I just refuse to open myself up to the that.

Or, I could skip all that “junk” and sum it up in a few sentences. For starters, my original idea had been to separate the entire blog by category, that I kind-of, sort-of accomplished », but I knocked off the idea because the script was being faulty, and I didn’t want to deal with it at the time. Cue in the actual revamp, in which I plan to not only implement this, but to divide the blog into sections…a little bit like Dee » vs. Angela » with a side of Tess. I’m very much aware not every single one of my blogs are interesting, and therein lies my fault: I want to make everybody enjoy themselves, and even in my seven years of blogging, I still can’t grasp the fact that I can’t.

Which is kind-of, sort-of why I’m doing it in the first place.

What’s bothering me is not that it will probably be December, late March before this is finished and executed, but I actually like this design! It’s tight and a little small for my likes, but the general setup definitely had me comfortable. Oh, the woes of designing and developing¹!

1. « I say Christina » take over the designing, and I stick with developing. Admit it! We’d make an awesome super-duo, eh?

Things may be broken, but by the Gods, THE RSS FEEDS *DO* WORK OR ALL FEAR THE WRATH OF A WOMAN SCORNED BY RSS AND XML, BUT REALLY XML AND OMG STFU.

…

Also a monumental mention: today is Lyone’s second birthday!

1. « OK, I was swinging around my camera, but…HEY. It takes arm work and the will to stand in freezing temperatures to get the effect!

—

I had a Bleach dream, AND MY FIRST ONE AT THAT. Sure, a couple of characters have been featured¹, but nothing Bleach-related, and it’s all-star cast consisted of Ichigo, Byakuya, Rukia and, for the shocker!OMG here, B’s wife Hisana.

And, before I start, I will be initialising the names, because I refuse to repeat each Japanese half of you² can’t really pronounce anyway.

So, B’s wife, which for anyone following Bleach, died before the actual storyline. She’s alive and very well in this version of Bleach (OK, it’s a dream, BUT STFU LET’S PRETEND IT’S A ~VERSION~), and I and B are battling it out. It’s a bit like the epic scene in season three, and I and B end up disintegrating, except a far-away voice explains that a part of each “soldier” is left behind, which H and R can therefore use to bring them back to life.

H and R do do that, and they are therefore…trying to bury themselves? They find these “plates” in the dirt, and sit on them. B ends up going back to his house with H, and I and R do something that involves B being pissed at I. I’m thinking it had something to do with two people “fooling around”³.

It sounds really fail-y, but it was very vivid, and very B-centred, which confuses the hell out of me. I don’t like B, and I’ve had no interest in his storyline, or H for that matter. It confuses me, and makes me question my brain and it’s functions. Do I love B secretly? Am I losing the love of Kensei and Hitsugaya for B? AM I REALLY JUST READING TOO MUCH INTO THIS?

—

On a completely unrelated note: I am building⁴ a script that is being a douche to my inner sanity. Dear Amazon EC2, I DO NOT LIKE YOU. Not Very Sincerely, Tess

1. « “Featured” as in “featured in a sex dream”. I’m not above mentioning I dream about anime characters and sex, but I am above mentioning whether several characters may have joined me or not in a Rangiku-like fashion. I have some dignity!
2. « And me too, admittedly.
3. « SEX, guys, sex.
4. « OK, not really building. I only have the config file, and the class file written up. BUT STILL, I have precognition, it’ll be a douche, mark my words.

So, to prove I’m a huge liar, and I’m ~not~ a fat, lazy person who sits on her fat, lazy ass, I’m underlining the things I told myself I’d do in 2010:

Learn JavaScript, in which I hate. Hate, hate, hate. If I can turn it off in my browser, I feel unsafe. However, it can benefit my scripts and I, so I’m going to kick the bucket and do it. Get more active, though this isn’t necessarily about weight, just about me getting for active and healthy. Can’t hurt, and there’s no limit.

While I won’t expand on how I spent ten minutes digging through my old WordPress entries in my old databases–and it’s just my luck that entry didn’t make it over with the conversion to CMS Admin–I can safely say that I have actually completed both of those. While the latter has seen me going back and forth, up and down¹, I ACTUALLY DID MY RESOLUTIONS.

And, yes, they’re not hugely important, but I did it! To prove, again, that I am also a sucker for my own punishment and that I can’t keep up a two-in-a-row resolution win streak, I present to you my expeditions² of 2010.

1. LEARN HOW TO FUCKING DRIVE. That’s at the top. I don’t care if I still struggle with enrolling in school, as long as I can travel to actually do that, my life shall be complete. I’ve had my car for five years, it’s about time.
2. Do something with my icon script that I may or may not have been developing for two years. Hannah » is the only person to have seen it, and it was horribly outdated then, so I’d like to see it actually become…dated? Redated? UPDATED.
3. Write a sex scene! I haven’t done this since 2005, so…yeah, maybe that’s not a expedition FOR YOU, but it is for me! …STFU!
4. Maybe turn that icon script I was may have mentioned into OOP. …I’m thinking this may be a FAILURE. Take my word for it, procedural coding is my OTP for many, many reasons.
5. Make something called a portfolio. I’m not quite sure if anybody has heard of this, but it’s something almost nobody wants to complete, and if it is completed it collects dust. Oh, I know! Let’s make this before-last expedition a Let’s-watch-as-many-TV-series’-as-humanly-possible expedition!
6. My last expedition is private, but I will be revealing it once it’s completed. Stay tuned, it’s original and awesometastic and p0rny! (I added those first two to make it seem exciting.)

Let the lost ark of–I mean, “expedition”!–BEGIN!

On a partially serious note, I am also participating in: Project 365 » and am a developer everywhere. BY GODS, I WILL MAKE 2010 GREAT.

1. « I blame us moving, even though we weren’t moving for three months…
2. « I call my resolutions “expeditions” because they a) sound more interesting and b) will make me actually want to do them like Indiana Jones had a son, versus me not wanting to because they’re, indeed, actually resolutions.

It’s the new black, guys!

But that’s not what I wanted to talk about. I am, not for the first time, going to talk about myself. However, this is also monumental, because I don’t just talk about myself, not in the way I’m about to. I’m taking a leap, and explaining my thoughts on several (but only one) matters. Continue reading, please.

I thought I’d write that in an standard-incorrect header tag to get your attention. And if you’re still paying attention, I’ll explain my reasoning as to annoy you.

When one gets into a fight, whether it be face-to-face or online, a mammal’s (and I’m using animals and humans in this statement) natural reaction is to lash out because they’re a) angry or worse b) in pain. For a human, we usually use the other’s persons weaknesses (or even strong suits!) against the other person. Is it right? Absolutely not, and I’ve been guilty of doing so in the past.

However.

However, I’m socially inept. I won’t go into peculiars, but that about explains it all: I have panic attacks when I’m in a crowd (in my own home or on the street, it doesn’t matter) or I’m out in public. This causes me to hole up in my house to avoid said attacks and this is not normal. This is a weakness, and it’s been used against me more times than I can count. I’ve been called abnormal, psycho and plain ole stupid because of this, and in the worst ways. Which, of course, is why I look at things differently, especially when fighting. I don’t point out others’ flaws, and I don’t use anything against them. My first natural reaction is to diffuse the bomb; if that doesn’t work, I try talking it out, and if that doesn’t work, I ignore the situation entirely.

So, the above statement that’s underlined explains why I had to underline it in the first place: I don’t fight like a normal person¹, so whenever I have an argument online, or someone disagrees with me, what would be a normal response is never used by me. I’m not deliberately cruel, so what may be a snippy reply in your eyes, can well be a LOL-worthy response in mine.

Take this situation for example: a friend of the sister and I was doing some inordinate things at their age. I was uncomfortable with it, but the one thing that made it weird for me was the fact that I did not understand them, or their decisions. Their age was a bit awkward for me, and I couldn’t relate to them on any level, so I left it in my sister’s hands. Not saying we could control this person’s actions–we couldn’t, and we didn’t!–but I felt I should take a step back from the person, because the normal bond we had was severed by our age difference².

The person took it as me being angry with them–or hating them–and stopped talking to me. Which was, in a weird way, kind of what I wanted. Lots of angst ensued, and they said some things about my person to my sister. They don’t know I know, and every time I look at them now, all I can think is, “they think all those things about me, and they used who I was against me”. I’m not angry or mad, I’m just sad, because I know they didn’t truly mean those words, that they were saying them in a moment of anger and frustration. If I had simply told the person I didn’t understand them, the entire situation could have been avoided, and we’d be better friends now more than ever. We’re not, and that’s something I’m going to live with for a long, long time.

My point of this point was: think of what was a miscommunication between us can well be a miscommunication between a friend and you. Take my lesson in your hands and roll it around for inspection. Don’t attack someone, even if it’s warranted; look at the situation from their eyes first, and then see how you feel. You never know how many relationships you can keep from something as simple as communication, trust and understanding.

As per usual, I don’t expect comments on this, but it’s out in the open, and I can say I talked about this in a healthy manner. I could never say all this with speech, so even if nobody else cares, I care. It’s important to me, and maybe somewhere in the world, somebody else feels the way I do, too.

1. « But, hey, I’m abnormal anyway, so who cares!
2. « It also has a lot to do with my sister and the person being normal teenagers, and me not having been a normal teenager. That is so much more important than people think it is.

But I’m not here to talk about The Blood Brothers, or how awesome they are, or how I cried at the news of their break-up, but in relation to this entry » by Rachel » about a doctor who played around with his bushy eyebrows, and repeated the process a million, billion times. So, I didn’t feel sorry for her like the commenters clearly did, and I just LOL’d SO HARD I almost had a cramp in my side. Which, if I were the superstitious type, I’d think that today’s events were Karma LOL’ing at me and biting me in the ass, as the saying goes.

So along with the Dad and the sister, I had an eye doctor’s appointment this morning, and I was the last to go. I go through the whole shebang with the Halle Berry-esque nurse, and the Doctor comes into my room first. From there, the nurse decided she would have this conversation rather loudly in the hallway outside my room:

Nurse: She’s just been dilated, you don’t need to see her first.
Doctor: Oh, she is? So, the other two are dilated.
Nurse: Yes, both of them are fully dilated, I just dilated her. You need to see them.
Doctor: OK, I’ll go see them since they’re both fully dilated.

So, after feeling like a fat pregnant lady–and feeling like the Dad and sister were pregnant as well, as they were talking about them–I was then told to wait “just a moment”, a moment that I am convinced turned into an hour. During that hour, I stared down a headpiece I swear came from The Silence of the Lambs², and chastised my nurse internally at leaving a unlocked computer in the hands of hacker in the guise of a developer–but that’s neither here nor there, and for a different entry entirely. I eventually did see my eye Doctor, where I would have convinced myself he was gay by his elegant and wide hand gestures and the way he consistently crossed his legs–except, well, my late Uncle had ravishing hand motions while being utterly³ straight and he did happen to be wearing a wedding ring.

Of course, this in no way means I think my Doctor can’t be gay because he wears a wedding ring, or that I wrongly accuse others of being gay to myself–I’m just suggesting, in the future, that perhaps doctors should think about using terms such as “dilated” and the situations that surround them, as the sister and Dad got a kick out of hearing that they were pregnant, too. For the less than sarcastic variety, yes, they heard it from their rooms, too–and yes, we did laugh hysterically in the car on the way back.

1. « And if you don’t, you certainly should.
2. « A headpiece he actually ended up wearing! Cue in the frantic heartbeat of trying to stuff down my laughter.
3. « I use “utterly” because most of us still think he was in the closet.

For those who aren’t familiar, and/or don’t live in North America, the KKK » stands for “Ku Klux Klan”, and was a hates activist group that specialised in spreading the following message: white people rule, if you are not white, you die. For many, this kind of outlook was especially a home run, and the entire “organisation” itself is often the butt of a lot of jokes seen in movies, skits and TV series’, as well as read in books and heard in music¹–as seen today in this entry.

The KKK is often associated with the Baptist religion² as the KKK really only exists in the southern part of North America, and Baptism runs deep in my Grandpa’s families’. My Grandpa Rodney and that side of the family doesn’t actually practise religion like my Papa and his family do, but our family roots apparently tie to the organisation. In » the aforementioned entry, the Dad mentions our heritage as:

Me: Dad? We’re Indian right? From Grandpa Rodney?
Dad: Yes, we are. About a couple of centuries back, we were pure Indian until we mated with the white people.

I had originally thought I was 50% English, but that isn’t true. Apparently, I’m:

Me: 50% English, right?
Dad: No. You’re 25% English, 25% Indian, 25% German and 25% Irish. Rodney is half-Indian, from his father, and half-English from his Mother…you know, I’m talking the K-K-K stuff!

And yeah, I’m totally excited that I’m more Indian than I thought I was, and I’m not as horribly Irish as my hair likes to insist I am–and yes, the K-K-K stuff had me cracking the fuck up, because only my family disregards important “monuments” as jokes, and only my family snubs their past religion(s) in a manner that would make my late Grandma go into a second heart-attack–but this is coming from the same man who thought it wasn’t hypocritical to, after quitting smoking, barge towards a innocent passerby, thump the cigarette out of their mouth and say “smoking kills“³.

1. « Not that I can blame the jokes; I just made a joke.
2. « It’s actually Catholicism–or the Catholic religion–that’s tied to the K-K-K, not Baptism; nonetheless, Baptism is also the butt of most jokes, so it’s an honest misconception.
3. « He didn’t actually do that, only said he’d do it, as he’d be “a horrible ex-smoker”. Still, I am fucking THERE with a video camera when he is one.

I, of course, have a digressing problem, and should probably just go ahead and get on with that, yeah?

Reading… a ridiculous amount of fanfiction! As I’m waiting for a book to come in the mail–and I’m kind of lazy, and am not reading the book I do have–I’ve been making like a sponge and sucking up pir8fancier’s » Draco/Harry fanfiction ». I know most of my readers don’t get into slash fanfiction, but the stories are so amazing. I’m not a fan at lack of sexual details, but the characterisations and humour is very, very potent, and I love how the author has mixed in the secondary characters so well–it’s almost about them, too, which I enjoy! So far, my favourite one is Bite Me, Hate Memes (and it’s sequel) and On One’s Knees. Just…asdfgkhk!

Listening… to Little Boots–who Haley » unknowingly got me into–who is an amazing artist! I love how techno and electronic her songs are–a personal kink, believe it or not–and her voice is so beautiful. In fact, the sister has filed Little Boots under my “weird and versatile music taste” category–something I feel was termed prematurely, because I was playing “Symmetry” at the time, and let’s face it, that song is weird–a clear sign I’m listening to her too much, but there’s no such thing in my eyes.

Coding… Pumpin’! »’s new layout, and finishing up Icon Admin, a flat-file run icon script. Which is all being released tomorrow. Wherein, I haven’t even started on Icon Admin³, but, hey, I’ve never done anything by that thing called rules.

Excited… for my new memory card, which is also in the mail, ready to be delivered! I mentioned on Twitter a couple of times that my memory card decided to die one day, and I finally had the money to replace it. I’m crazily excited, because I can pick up my Project 365 project from where I left off, and start taking decent pictures again. It will be fabulousity!

Making… a Victorian themed layout for Pumpin’!, and…it sucks. It’s one of my favourite eras in history, but I’m pretty positive I chose the wrong theme, considering my lack of skills with layouts sometimes. However, I can’t give up now, that would just be backwards and stupid and OK I’m being lazy.

Admiring… Mehmet Turget »–a Turkish photographer I found in 2008 and have been stalking ever since–and of course, Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott », my favourite fashion photographers of all time. I’ve have never failed to name an editorial by them, and I love seeing their work. ♥

Watching… my Dad make Thai soup, with a side of lemon soufflé. It makes me admire my parents ability to bring in different cultures into our house, and we always manage to find something different to eat. Italian, Mexican, Chinese, Japanese, Mediterranean…you name it⁴!

1. « I also suck at that, but once again: shush, we can ignore this.
2. « Don’t hold me to that.
3. « And no, this is not procrastinating, if that’s what you were thinking! I just decided to take a break, and instead of eating, I blogged. …Big deal.
4. « We are, of course, still very much American; bring on the hot dogs, hamburgers and potato/pasta salad!

And before I go on, let me just slide in here that’s there’s a new layout at Lyone! For the feed readers¹, anyway. I’m not one to make a huge announcement, because I’m paranoid enough to think in the future, “…what if person [a] is viewing my archives, and they’re all like ‘WELL, WHERE THE HELL IS THIS LAYOUT SHE’S MAKING THIS HUGE FUSS OVER? I NEED TO KNOW THIS’”, because hey-ho, I think that, and I’m also selfish enough not to think beyond that point.

The layout is admittedly bright, and kind of badly executed, but it’s almost Spring here in Florida of the U-S-A, so I thought it rather fitting I’d change it from drab to fab(iiiish)! I also kind of like the “media footer” – it doesn’t have my new photoblog’s feed up, but it does have rotating anime bits! That’s the new thing, right, rotating things? – and I adore the design of my comments, so it probably will stay until I decide to go back to my simplistic and boring ways.

Back on track, not only with the new layout Lyone’s backend new-and-improved (iiiish), but I not only managed to complete Pumpin’!’s » new re-design and Icon Admin’s » release, but also 90% of what’s been on my to-do list.

Ignoring what’s all going on in that screenshot, I completed part a of my to-do list!. That’s two items from the original six on my « original resolutions list! For someone who rationalises that no, watching Criminal Minds over working on anything isn’t procrastinating, and would prefer to study over attacking anything website-related because at least studying isn’t forced…this is something.

Now if I just hadn’t saved the biggest and most time-consuming list item for last.

1. « I’m admittedly one of these people, yes! I am always the last person to notice a new layout/theme that hasn’t been mentioned because of this, but…HEY. IT’S GOOGLE READER, K? IT’S COOL SHIT.

Reading… historical romances! I just got finished with my Mom’s copy of Moon Craving » by Lucy Monroe; it originally drew me, because it’s about Scottish werewolves…! – If anybody knows me, they know my love for all things werewolves, and anything Scotland-related is like cake with whip cream on top – and it ended up being delicious in it’s writing. Ms. Monroe is absolutely brilliant at making the reader imagine they are in old-world Scotland – and the author had no problem breaching the subject of a man having another man as a “mate”, which sealed the deal for me. After reading it, it made me break into my historical romance collection, and I just picked up Gentle Rogue » by Johanna Lindsey, because I also have a pirate kink. It’s part of the Malory series, and even though I know a good number of people I know don’t particularly prefer romance, it’s so…19^th century and pirate-y! Pure love, le sigh.

(And I kind of end up rambling on the whole ‘Reading’ bit every time…sorry about that!)

Listening… a couple of Disney classics, initially, and finally my personal « techno mix (beware, I use “techno” in its loose form). It has Dangerous Muse, Lady Gaga and Combichrist–the essentials, as far as I’m concerned¹.

Coding… a ridiculous amount of CSS that is making me want to dig my fingers into my eyeballs. My “talent” (I LIKE USING LOOSE FORMS, STFU) does extend to CSS and me knowing a lot about it, but…damnit, there’s a reason I like backend-coding more than frontend!

Excited… for my internet to die. I know, I know; I have a bit to do before it does die, and I’ll inside die after four days, and a whole week without any access will get boring fast – but I like the break. I like not worrying about e-mails, MySQL across my sites and that thing called a fanlisting collective.

Making… a entry for Digital Photography I’m writing up! I’m really, really excited about it and its debut, and I only need one more models consent before I can finish and post it. ♥ It’ll be fabulous; I get to show off my model photography, as well, which will only be shown in this article. Excited, as said!

Admiring… model Abbey Lee Kershaw. Model nerd here, but I’ve been watching her for the past year and a half, and she’s just so diverse! I get so excited when she’s in a new campaign or editorial, and I really hope she stays in the long run!

Watching… Roswell and as much sci-fi/fantasy movies I can stuff into my head without exploding. Roswell started off at the beginning of the month, and I’ve seen Cirque Du Freak (I really, really loved this one! It’s got so much potential to turn into an awesome movie series, so I hope this was the push it needed), New Moon (not as bad as I thought – I can’t stand the Twilight series with a passion, but I’d watch this again) and The Crowe! …So the last is a little old, it’s still a classic! Of course, others movies (which I’ve already seen prior to watching them) were also viewed, because movies are loved hard in my house.

Cooking… German Chocolate cake!

The Dad isn’t a fan of coconut and pecans, but together it’s heaven in our mouths – or, well, hell if you’re anything like my sister.

1. « I didn’t have Depeche Mode, Dirty Sanchez, The Presets and The Ting Tings on there, which I have, as they were on the first part of the remix (show in the screenshot to the left).

I think that element of photography has been lost with the LCD screen. I don’t understand photographers who constantly snap and review. God, it drives me nuts.

…I blinked, and read over at least three more times, not comprehending that he had really said that. As someone who uses an LCD screen, my next reaction was one of hurt, as I never thought of my photography being “lost” simply because I don’t use film. In hindsight, I know he probably didn’t mean to hurt others—I hope so!—by saying something like that, but my third reaction was one of pure, unending disagreement. From him, someone who has apparently been using photography since 2007, I find that his opinion on LSD-usage a bit arrogant.

I don’t think I’m truly alone when I think “it’s not about the equipment you have, it’s how you use it”. For instance, Kya » used Photoshop for quite some time with her illustrations before using Adobe Illustrator, and while you can see the advancement, that in no way means her work in Photoshop sucked. Just because you use something digital to illustrate, draw or, in this case, photograph, doesn’t mean it’s any less artistic and beautiful. Being able to draw with a pencil and pen doesn’t make you better than someone who draws digitally, and owning a video camera doesn’t make you any better than someone who uses their point-and-shoot camera to create videos.

Terry Richardson, a well known fashion photographer who uses digital cameras, has been working since the 90s; Laura Ferreira », who has been working in photography for years, is also a digital photographer; my favourite photographers, Mert and Marcus, in the world use digital photography; and finally Mehmet Turgut », a very well known Turkish photographer who’s work you can see in magazines(!), also uses digital cameras in his photography.

So, Carlos Núñez, to say “the element of photography” has been lost with an LCD screen is a little insensitive and a bit asinine. Film cameras are wonderful tools, yes, but that doesn’t mean digital cameras aren’t. I’m not mad, and I’m not heart broken, or even upset; you can bet your filmy ass I’ll show you and others who think this way just how much I can achieve using digital cameras¹ versus using film cameras.

1. « I have three, because three is totally the new black.

But, really, I should have “I DIGRESS. A LOT. IT’S KIND OF CRAZY.” stamped across my forehead. You know.

My main reason for blogging is promoting, specifically a video and an article. I’m going to go ahead and throw said video on out there, so, behold: I Love You, Arthur! », the video subject being quite obvious¹. I’ve been begging the sister (the one playing Arthur) to do a Arthur/Merlin video, and having bleached her hair, I finally wrote the script², and wa-la! A video! It’s a play off of I Want You, Harry », kind of backwards in the sense that Merlin is shorter than Arthur and a redhead, and Gaius is black and young. It happens to also be a belated birthday present to Christina », because I fail at being on time for most things.

As for the article: a guide on Digital Photography ». I’ve been working on for weeks, and while I’m still biting my lip about releasing it to the general public, it at least has all of model photography. Take a gander at that, at least!

I feel bad though, admittedly, for promoting. Not my favourite thing in the world to do, but I like sharing the things I do, and the things I can create! Although my brain might tell you otherwise, I can do other things beside scripting, so even if both things aren’t done very well, I want to share, as said. *hugs all around*

1. « If it’s not, it’s from the BBC TV series, Merlin.
2. « Yes, I wrote our first script, all by myself (with Carlisle helping the ending, particularly with the “I LOVE ARTHUR!” bit)! I’m quite proud, because the original script was…kind of like series, in the way they talk. Just not as deliberately cracky.

Three guys moved into the house across the street from us, after being abandoned for…well, for longer than we’ve been here (a year in June). As mostly elderly people live in our neighbourhood, one of the three dudes–I’m going to call him Sam, as he’s 6′9″ and reminds me of Supernatural’s Sam–Sam is the grandson of the woman who lived in the house before she died. He’s living with a college buddy–I’ll call him Dean¹, because apparently he looks just like Jensen Ackles–and another friend–I’ll call Nick for Nick Swardson, since he’s quite the comedian.

They started coming over to the house to talk the sister and a friend, and when they came over Saturday my parents, being the chatty-patty’s that they are, were all like HAI COME OVER AND DRINK AND STUFFZ. You can imagine the next three hours, which involved Nick cat-calling to me to come out and meet them–something that wasn’t going to happen unless Gerard Butler was cat-calling me to come out and meet them.

For those who don’t know, I have severe social anxiety. I have anxiety attacks, and they affect for me for days after. I can’t control them, and it happens if I’m with a small group of people I know very well, or I’m in a grocery store surrounded by people I don’t. I don’t like anybody witnessing these attacks–it’s very stressful to the people around me, and it ends up making the situation worse–so I don’t go out around crowds, which if you guessed, is very hard to do, especially in the city. So, of course: I wasn’t leaving my room–which was, coincidentally or not–right outside the front porch².

What’s been bothering the past couple of days, however, is not Nick threatening to not give up trying to meet me no matter what–he was rather intoxicated at the time, if not buzzed–or warning everybody he’d mow the yard nude³ and to get out the binoculars⁴–it’s them hanging out in the front yard, which causes me to lock myself in the house, or in the backyard, away from where they can see me. I’m not afraid of them by any means, I just want to avoid the very-probable panic attack that will ensue.

Soooo-ooo-oo, I came up with a plan: as the men and their friends are consistently outside in their lawn chairs, I thought about going out into the front yard, sitting in the middle of it, and taking pictures of them–right in front of them. Not only would this paint me as a stalker and a huge creep, but it just might make them go inside long enough for me to not be afraid to actually be outside. The kicker: while I’d love to do this for shits and giggles–if their drunken behaviour was anything to go by, it’s likely they’d pose for me or something–I’d never actually do it. As I’ve been dodging the open windows in my own house, I quite sincerely doubt I’d ever get the balls to do it.

…I have been blaring Lady Gaga, Spice Girls and Britney Spears for the past two days, though. THAT’S SOMETHING.

1. « Chris actually started calling him Dean-o!
2. « WHY, HOUSE, WHY MUST YOU BE CRUEL TO ME? I kid, I kid! I’m the dumbass who actually chose the room.
3. « …OK fine, I admit it, I’d definitely come out if he ever did do that (and proposition him? IDK, I’m unstable in the face of male nudity).
4. « This was funny to just about everybody, as the Uncle and I had just been joking about spying on them with binoculars–my sassy zinger was to brag about having a mega zoom on my camera for pictures and zooming peekage, but that’s neither here nor there.

I decided to name this edition of Songs of Tess “Songs of the Moment”–it was originally “Techno Thursday”, but a) I wasn’t feeling the techno vibe tonight and b) it’s no longer Thursday–and I’m sincerely sucking tonight, boys and girls, at titles.

Thanks to Larissa » (unknowingly, however), I managed to find something spiffy to display these songs for listening: « Songs of Tess: The Horrible Title Edition – take a peak, it’s amazingness!

Filthy Mind (Mount Rushmore Extended Mix) by Amanda Ghost

We originally heard this in the horror movie Valentine, and then in the infamous 10^th episode of the first season of Queer as Folk.

A life with fools, this world is cruel
We never dispense with toys
Could you make a suggestion for an act I would enjoy?

I decided to list the Mount Rushmore remix, as this is my favourite out of the four remixes (including the original!) currently available. Nonetheless, I think the name » is apt, yes?

1, 2, 3, 4 Guitars by Blood Brothers

The Blood Brothers will always have my heart, will always be number one with their eclectic lyrics, screaming vocals and mixture of guitar, accordion and piano–among others. 1, 2, 3, 4 Guitars – which is very hard to type, I tell you! – is kind of fitting of the season, especially since it’s Spring.

The winter left town with
Some seventeen-year-old waitress
And Spring’s laying in a pile of
All the moments of our misadventures…

I may be biased, but this is a favourite », and this something, coming from one of those there’s-five-albums-that-wasn’t-the-only-good-album -type people!

Hot Mess by Cobra Starship

Christina » showed me–and by show I mean she subtly hinted–this song last night, and it’s been on repeat every since. I’ve always loved Cobra Starship, and I’m honestly surprised I’ve never heard it before this!

Well, you’re a hot mess and I’m falling for you
And I’m like hot damn! let me make you my boo
Cause you can shake it shake it shake it
Yeah you know what to do
You’re a hot mess

It reminds me of a lot of fanfiction characters–come on, we rarely, if ever, see men happy to be less than macho, especially in romance novels (let’s pretend we all read this). Hot Mess » is such a greatly different take on what guys normally like, and it’s a got a great beat!

Monster by Lady Gaga

Oh, come on – it wouldn’t be me if Lady Gaga wasn’t in some way included in this!

I wanna Just Dance
But he took me home instead
Uh oh! There was a monster in my bed
We French kissed on a subway train
He tore my clothes right off
He ate my heart then he ate my brain

Besides the obvious reference of her first-hit single and zombies (really, referencing is fan-fucking-tastic), Monster » is a little dark, but it’s very apt in the overall storyline.

Sex Type Thing by Stone Temple Pilots

I had to include one of their songs–they’re releasing another album! YES! FUCKING A. …Anyhow, one of their best songs–in both lyrics and instrumental value!–to date. According to the band, it’s an anti-rape song, and basically depicts how a man treats women – or men, too – by objectifying them. …Or something, I’m still on “I know you like what’s on my mind”…

I ain’t, I ain’t, I ain’t
A buyin’ into your apathy
I’m gonna learn ya’ my philosophy
You wanna know about atrocity, atrocity?

I’m the last person to take something very seriously–and this is clearly a fitting example of that. It’s a very hot song, and I’m so in love with the vocals. (Reading the lyrics » wins you brownie points!)

…and of course, this just makes me want to start of a playlist of “songs with the word ’sex’ in it”, “songs with sex depicted in it” and “songs with ’sex’ in the title”. IT WOULD BE NEVER-ENDING, I AM JUST SAYING.

Again: « Songs of Tess: The Horrible Title Edition. A playlist of songs to listen to! *throws confetti*

Reading… yaoi manga! I know some of you could take it or leave it (or just leave it), but I’ve fallen so in love with some of some (very old!) manga! Love Mode–originally released in 1995! I was five-barely-six at the time!–is my favourite so far, but I love Junjou Romantica and Crimson Spell as well! The characters are very intertwined, and in Junjou Romantica, one of the main characters is a writer, and it’s inspired the writer inside me. I think I’m finding my voice for writing, I really do.

Listening… nothing has stuck in my head in April, but I’ve been listening to Eminem a bit, as well as Lady Gaga, Placebo and “Hot Mess” by Cobra Starship (Christina » showed me this gem)–I’m so complex, gais!

Coding… Listing Admin », where I’ve been learning the joys of crossposting to Enthusiast, or just to a different server. It’s made me realise how lucky I am to have a shared reseller on DreamHost–I don’t have to worry about the different servers and MySQL variables!

Excited… for driving! I, Tess, at 20 do not have a driver’s license. I have my permit–for the last two years, no less!–and the Dad just got new tires on my car–that I’ve had for six years in November–so I’m really excited about getting it legal. Not only will the Mom have some transportation herself, but she can now teach me how to drive! Insert huge jump in the air here!

Making… DVDs…? I’ve made some DVDs for the sixth season of Bleach, which the sister has now religiously been watching as well! According to my calculations (half-assed accessing of the situation), Bleach is one of the few anime series that can be watched by anybody, even non-Anime fans (that would be the sister)!

Admiring… Milla Jovovich, oh em gee! My deep, deep love knows no bounds with Milla, but I’ve been enjoying having added to my Milla Jovovich collection of movies (A Perfect Getaway + Resident Evil), and re-waching them. (Did I mention the sister is also in love with Milla? I never said she didn’t have great taste, too!)

Watching… a ton of movies! The two latter above go under this as well, but the amount of movies I’ve been intaking is surprising. The Hangover (finally!) and The Men Who Stare at Goats are lovely, and the Mom and I have never laughed so hard. With the Dad working last Saturday, and the Uncle being out of the house for the weekend, the Mom, sister and I watched The Men Who Stare at Goats and laughed at hippy!George Clooney and unbelieving!Ewan, and stayed up until one in the morning watching The Hangover and laughing at sexy!Bradley, screaming!Ed and ridiculously-weird!Zach. Very, very well done movies.

Cooking… I cooked 15 Bean Soup¹ last weekend, as well, and the sister and I plan to cook the Mom carrot cake tonight. Or me, since I plan to bake it after she goes to bed, so we can surprise her tomorrow morning. Yaaay to staying up till three in the morning (it’s the thought that counts?)!

Taking a Photo Of… My new coffee cup!

The Dad got it for me after he got the sister one (the Mad Hatter)–I quite like mine, reminds me of…me? (That was lame, shush.)

1. « It’s yummier than it sounds! It’s made of fifteen different types of beans, kielbasa and ground sausage, stewed Mexican (or Italian/regular) tomatoes and cajun seasoning. It’s a cajun dish that the Mom and I have made into a hit. IT’S LOVELY, SHUT UP.

A trip down memory lane for those not in the know: I met Melissa in 2003, right after I started building websites. Out of the… say, seven/eight friends we all knew, she is the only one I’ve kept in consistent contact with. I’ve talked on the phone with her, co-owned websites with her, and knew her when she started the Muse obsession that would lead her to go around the USA attending their concerts¹. I admit it: we’re not nearly as close as we once were, but she inspired me in so many ways back then, and she still inspires me now.

Melissa introduced me to Muse – insert aforementioned obsession here – as well as Bayside, and (unknowing to her) Placebo, my favourite band. Melissa is one of the amazing dedicated fans of bands that don’t give you the heeby-jeebies, and I will probably never be able to listen to Muse without thinking of her.

So! These are my favourite songs of Muse, all dedicated to Melissa, and not sorted alphabetically, but my relevance (my inner OC is dying inside right now, BTW)! Of course, you can « listen to them here.

Unintended (Showbiz)

I’m only listing this first, because it’s a beautiful song. It’s one of the first ones I heard, and it’ll never stop being a melody to my ears.

First there was the one who challenged
All my dreams and all my balance
She could never be as good as you

It’s a truly inspirational song to me, because a) we both (back then) associated it with Draco/Hermione, and while I’m a Harry/Draco convert, it’s still symbolic and b) it’s not a love-love story ». It’s a bit like, “yeah, I was in love before, but I’m in love with you now”… type… thing. WHATEVER.

Time Is Running Out (Absolution)

This was the first song Melissa introduced me to, and for that reason, it’s one of my favourites. That, and the lyrics are kind of sexy:

I think I’m drowning, asphyxiated
I wanna’ break this spell that you’ve created
You’re something beautiful, a contradiction
I wanna play the game, I want the friction

It’s a modern break-up song, but with a twist; you can clearly see the person’s struggle with their partner, and wanting to hack them to pieces, but wanting to save it, hence time is running out. Amazing! »

Bliss (Origin of Symmetry)

Bliss. It kind of says it all, really.

Everything about you is how I’d wanna’ be
Your freedom comes naturally
Everything about you resonates happiness
Now I won’t settle for less

The lyrics remind me of » my Mom, because she really gives off the beautiful vibe in this song. Sometimes you just need a pick-me-up song, and Bliss is very apt.

Knights of Cydonia (Black Holes & Revelations

Absolution is my favourite album to date from Muse, but Black Holes & Revelations is second, admittedly, and it was hard choosing. I stuck with Knights of Cydonia, because a) it’s music is the greatest shit ever, b) the music video was awesome and c) I love Knights, so the title captivates me².

Come ride with me
Through the veins of history
I’ll show you how god
Falls asleep on the job

You and I must fight to survive »~! /in music heaven

I Belong to You (Mon cœur s’ouvre á ta voix) (The Resistance)

All the songs are fabulous on the new album, but I’m a lyrics nerd, and I Belong to You captivated me.

I can’t find the words to say
They’re overdue
I’ve traveled half the world to say
I belong to you…

I’m not big on French, but it really is quite catchy ». And I really love the piano in the song.

That’s it! And yes, those songs are all on separate albums, because I had to be OC about something.

1. « Melissa has attended at least two concerts prior to this, each with years inbetween – as I will mention, we’re not as close as we once were, so this could be a larger number.
2. « I’m easily dazzled; if you didn’t know this (or didn’t guess it), you don’t know me very well.

I also decided to actually use pictures(!) in this post. It’s not my style or preference – going through my own pictures has given me a new found respect (as if I needed more!) for Krissy », who always uses photos; how she does it on a regular basis is going over my head at the moment – but I felt that since it was my own photography, it would be a great addition (and kind of less boring for those not in any way interested in where I’ll be in ten years).

In 10 Years… I will be a photographer that travels, and works for National Geographic and Vogue Italia, because I can multi-photograph like this (and I just like taking pictures of animals and fashion… which, according to PETA, can’t possibly happen (I STILL LOVE MY PRINTS AND FAKE FURS)). I will have attended at least three Lady Gaga concerts, photographed her once, and made enough money to print up large posters of my favourite manga(/anime) characters, because it’s kind of less creepy than printing large posters of Ewan McGregor, Gaspard Ulliel and Gerard Butler–or worse, Lady Gaga herself.

I have also stated my love for Latino and Asian dudes many times, but if it’s not apparent – I want to be partners will a Asian or Latino man-dude in the future, and have great sex with said man-dude. It’s no rush, which is kind of why I left it out initially, but like most things, my posts cannot lack of perversion. Just to make you think, “wow, when I’m having a bad day, and Tess posts, I’m like, ‘well, at least I’m not her‘, and I suddenly feel better”.

…and the whole happy thing Manda » stated, because if I don’t have happiness with all of that, I won’t really be living any of it.

(I also tag Christina » (in her corresponding LiveJournal, of course), Dee » (which should be interesting, because she’s one of the few older (than me) bloggers out of school that I actually admire), Clem » (I’ve never spoken to her personally, but I know she’ll make a funny story out of it or draw dinosaur pictures, and I like both (especially together)) and finally Georgina ».)

I decided to not go with my initial idea of Songs of Tess (disclosed for now), but only because I liked this one, and wanted to lift people up without being a creepster. So, life; we all are have one – some in more ways than others I might add, but in no way less meaningful – and we all go through some shit – again, some more than others – and we all just sometimes want to give up, because it becomes too much.

Musicians are beautiful in the sense that they can create beautiful melody, but I think they’re beautiful for relating to us normal folks. For releasing songs that we can all say, “hey! I know what that feels like, and it’s not just overinflated fan service, either!”, and for making us realise we’re not alone in the way we’re all feeling and experiencing life.

Songs can be « found here, of course (note that one song is missing due to size and type of the file)!

Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked by Cage the Elephant

Probably one the best songs for “life”; it sums up what we all do for a living, but without stepping on toes in the process – I’m looking at you, Eminem.

There ain’t no rest for the wicked
Money don’t grow on trees
I got bills to pay, I got mouths to feed
Ain’t nothing in this world for free

It reminds me of my parents, who do exactly that. Well, not the whole wicked part, but doing anything to feed the sister and I, and pay the bills. It’s a great view on what we all glaze over ».

Return to Innocence by Enigma

Like a lot of bands – Collective Soul, Duran Duran and Stone Temple Pilots to name a few – I grew up on Enigma, and Enigma is still very strong within me. Return to Innocence is one of my favourite songs simply for it’s innocence.

If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don’t hide
Just believe in destiny
Don’t care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don’t give up and use the chance to return to innocence…

It’s a powerful song », and it’s impact on me after all these years stays unwavering.

Here We Go Again by OK GO

I kind of look at this song as my life’s anthem right now – here it goes again is definitely the saying of the century, and I know all of us have felt this way in some form or another.

I guess there’s got to be a break in the monotony, but Jesus, when it rains how it pours…

The lyrics » can be interpreted as a relationship – or relationships – gone awry but it’s just so correct in every thing I feel a good bit of the time!

Last Resort by Papa Roach

I asked the Dad once what he thought of Papa Roach’s new music, and he summed up it up perfectly:

With Last Resort, we all in some way understood – we have all once been desperate, have all been in that black hole, have all broken down. That desperation just isn’t there with Getting Away With Murder.

I could relate to Last Resort because I had felt all those things – I just couldn’t go on living that way… and yes, that was totally a in-song reference!

I never realized I was spread too thin
Till it was too late and I was empty within
Hungry, feeding on my chaos and living in sin
Downward spiral, where do I begin?

Gore and intensity aside », it’s stunning in it’s reality nonetheless.

Drag by Placebo

Oh, come on… it’s me, it’d be a crime if Placebo wasn’t here! That aside, Drag is a really, really beautiful song, because it’s a very positive song. Placebo stunned me completely, because I was totally thinking it was going to be a drag queen song… I was quite surprised!

You’re always ahead of the pack, I drag behind
You possess every trait that I lack by coincidence or by design
You’re the monkey I got on my back that tells me to shine…

While the person – Brian, the lead singer, in this instance, but let’s pretend! – is dragging behind », it’s quite clear how the person feels about the person always ahead. Absolutely adorable!

And of course, the end of my five songs! These were actually quite difficult to pick out, because I tried to stay away from the angst-ridden songs – which is sadly a lot – and try for something bright and… realistic? I’m up-ing the cheese factor here, guys!

Reading… the manga Bleach, or really re-reading. All I can say for it is a) I love Nelliel, b) Ichigo is one of the best friends one can have, c) Ikkaku and Yumichika are the gayest of the gays for each other and I have an inkling their captain, Kenpachi, knows it and d) Aizen is one of the best villains ever written (he just won’t die, and he makes my skin crawl – that’s some strong feelings to be invoked by a fictional character!).

Listening… (according to my Last.fm stats, anyway!) Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga, Placebo and « Muse – thanks to Melissa », the song I Belong to You has been stuck in my head for the past three days, and I’m trying to attempt learning it on piano. MELISSA, IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

Coding… a Manga reader. Yes, you read that correct. Instead of working on Listing Admin », or poking at Media Admin – which, a month from today exactly, will be releaded – I am coding up something I’ll probably only use once a month or something. That’s how Tess rolls, yo!

Excited… for caffeine. I’m a boring person; I will never have a truly exciting life, so the most exciting thing for me is something with fucking caffeine right now.

Making… a couple of layouts! I’m a coder – I love cracking into CSS and HTML just as much as PHP.

Admiring… Muse’s ability to make me cry.

Watching… The IT Crowd! :D It’s a British sitcom, and one of the most genius things I’ve watched in a while. The IT Crowd – IT for “Information Technologies”, instead of “it” – is about the IT department in a company, and a woman, who knows nothing about computers, being their manager. Absolutely hilarious. ♥

Cooking… pork chops!

In this case I only marinated them, but I am fantastic at marinating almost anything. I’m also rather lame, because I get this whut? look on my face when I actually have to cook and/or marinate food. I’m sometimes so consumed with scripting that I forget I can do anything else! :P

Taking a Photo of… José, our red tail boa snake.

Snakes are very, very overrated, and I could go on a fifty-paragraph rant about it, but I’ll save the *facepalm* moment for another time. José – yes, named after the Dad’s favourite drink, José Cuervo – won’t get much bigger than he is now, and he’ll live a long time, as we didn’t power-feed him. I’ll have to upload more photos of him!

Usually I add a new “Just a Minute…” section every month, but I’m running on a low battery, and I’m just going to go before I no longer make any sense!

Drumroll, the rules:

1. Put the logo on your blog within your post.
2. Pass the award on to twelve six bloggers.
3. Link to the nominees within your post.
4. Let them know they received this award by commenting on their blog.
5. Share the love and the link to the person from whom you received this award.

I decided to follow Jessica in linking only to six people; I can come up with twelve bloggers hands down, but I’m a tad lazy, and coincides with the second rule change, not commenting on their blogs, as they’re all running on WordPress, and this blog post should be in their dashboard. I hope. I think.

Bass line, the six bloggers (in alphabetical order, it’s about time the neurotic in me comes out today!):

1. Aisling »
   I don’t know Aisling personally (and I’ve talked to her a handful of times on Twitter randomly), but Aisling is one of the bloggers I genuinely respect not only as a blogger, but as a person as well. She’s funny, insightful, and I’m totally jealous she’s not my older sister!
2. Clementine »
   Again, I neither know Clementine personally, nor have I ever spoken to her before, but she’s got to be the funniest blogger I know. She’s a bit more personal (in the sense that she talks about her life, versus life in general) than other bloggers, but she’s engaging, and she manages to create a twist at the end that makes each and every blog entry engaging. (And I kind of love drawings that aren’t mine + dinosaurs, so that kind of works in her favour.)
3. Dee »
   My absolute favourite blogger! I found Dee circa-2007, and while we have not spoken personally personally (yes I felt the need to clarify that), she’s so amazing in my eyes. She’s into web development (yay!), games (double yay!) and manages to sneak in a few heart-felt completely non-technology related blog entries (…I think, but yay! anyway!).
4. Krissy »
   I know Jessica – and I would hope a few others! – linked to Krissy, but she’s just that amazing of a blogger. She’s gone outside the box for blogging, and inspires many, many bloggers all over the world. If I could come up with the words to explain how much she inspires me, I’d write a damn book about it!
5. Manda »
   Manda was a fellow TFL‘er, and I followed her to her blog, where she has shone through in everything she is. She’s a student who likes cooking and has taught me more life lessons than I care to (guilty) admit, and she’s just an awesome person all around!
6. Tracey »
   I found Tracey through a handful of other blogs, and I have never regretted subscribing to her feed. Humour, life and some Asian media I can’t really name is about all it takes me to love a blog/blogger! ♥

As for the award, do not feel the need to reciprocate on your end – this is just my way of saying, “I read your blog!” (I’m a horrible commenter), and that I can be very creepy.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad – you mean more to me than you’ll ever know (probably because I’ll never say it, but shush).

…and before anybody asks, that’s the back of the Mom’s head – the Dad is not some hippy mullet-wearing dude (…OK, he’s a hippy dude, but still no mullet!), but from the reputation he has on my blog, I sense that wouldn’t be such a bad thing!

I decided to go with the idea of choosing five songs per artists of the artists that have the most songs in my library. I don’t have a library to do this, however – I briefly considered creating a script for it, but I’m much too lazy to do it at this point – so I decided to split it up in five weeks, and choose ten songs from each artist. Yay! for more crazy Tess music.

Blood Brothers

I’m not a fan of the screamo or “harcore” genre by any means. In fact, it’s one of my least favourite genres, and in 2005, I declared I couldn’t stand Blood Brothers », because it was right around the time their fourth album, Crimes, was released, and “Love Rhymes With Hideous Car Wreck” was being overplayed. I caught “Crimes” off that album in 2006, and then declared they were the best thing to ever happen to music.

I decided to choose Blood Brothers from the many artists (with a good number of songs) in my library, because to me, they are the very epitome of screamo, and furthermore a “band” – they are eclectic with their lyrics, never shying away from any subject, and have quite the talent for playing almost every instrument known to man. Jordan and Johnny are the vocalists – the former holding a deep voice, and the latter holding a higher pitch, much like Brian, the lead singer of Placebo – with Cody, Mark and Morgan playing about 329575849 instruments (guitar, bass, drums and percussion being a select few).

You can listen to some of the songs « at the usual place – I’ll upload the rest of the songs tomorrow morning, promise!

“Doctor! Doctor!” from This Adultery is Ripe

When I see you walking all alone, I wanna cut the corners off your lips
I wanna shave the angles off your cheeks
I wanna wash the geometry off your face

It’s mostly about a sadistic Doctor, but hints the girl’s apparent obsession with looks and sex with the Doctor on the operating table. …yeah, I don’t even know either.

“Ambulance vs. Ambulance” from Burn Piano Island, Burn

You’ll never see your wife and children again
So tell us what it was going through your head
When you looked in, into their eyes and said “no thanks I’ll take the hooker instead”?

I look at Ambulance vs. Ambulance as a representation of our fucked up world, really, and I guarantee you, if you are into anything Blood Brothers do, this will be one of the many songs on constant repeat!

“The Salesman, Denver Max” from Burn Piano Island, Burn

My name is Denver Max and won’t you come sit on my lap
Because the only thing you own is everything you lack

The Salesman, Denver Max is about an older man victimising a (significantly) younger girl, but the lyrics also depict a generic abusive relationship, which is much more common than is given credit for. It’s kind of tragic and sick, but Johnny did a wonderful job with the vocals, and the melody is out of this world.

“Crimes” from Crimes

We’re just like those condom wrappers: used up, torn up, thrown away
And we’re just like yesterday’s headlines: drifting, floating, towards the blaze…

Crimes is one of my favourite songs of theirs, and not just because it was my introduction into their music, as it were! Not only is this one of my favourite songs that Jordan sang, but it’s one of their least hardcore songs. The lyrics are amazing – And if we rob the liquor store we could be in Tijuana by the crack of dawn …come on! – and the drums in this is just outstanding.

“Feed Me to the Forest” from Crimes

Was it just last night that I woke up to a snarling baby?
Did I hear it right?
He begged his mother, feed me to the forest!

Feed Me to the Forest always reminds me of a cross between Tom Waits and Lady Gaga – it’s got the electronica feel that Lady Gaga has, and the drumming beat and distorted sound that Tom Waits sometimes uses. Just a lovely sound!

“Live At The Apocalypse Cabaret” from Crimes

But scarecrow, I’m still alive
Who sewed me back together to watch the whole world writhe?

I know I say their melody is great all the time, but if I had to base a song off of strictly that, Live would take the cake. The piano is so stunning, it almost brings tears to my eyes; hands down, one of their best songs overall, not just off this particular album!

“My First Kiss at the Public Execution” from Crimes

Just five dollars to see a face explode, to see a man strung up by his throat
Come one! Come all!
If you look close enough you’ll see death’s machinery exposed

Public Execution notes the world’s – or America, anyhow – penchant for publicising executions (paparazzi and journalists anyone?), and getting off on it. The song is quite catchy, though, and makes you feel like you are at a public execution… in a carnival/fair type of way.

“1, 2, 3, 4 Guitars” from Young Machetes

Guitar two’s touch keeps ruining lovers for other lovers
Like jokers concealed in trick decks in our laps

Not quite about guitars – as is their way with most of their lyrics – the guitar and drums in this song is out of this world, and the song’s sound sounds very dusty, like a broken record (yes, that’s totally an in-song reference!).

“Johnny Ripper” from Young Machetes

The dull years drag the best days of your life through asphalt and glass
While summer’s favorite fathers birthing next year’s deadbeat dads

On rare occasions, the lead vocalists will only sing strictly by themselves in a song, with almost no (if any) back-up vocals. Johnny Ripper is ironically sung by Jordan, and depicts the movie Idiocracy – or, for anyone who hasn’t seen it, a bunch of dumbasses having sex, getting pregnant and not taking responsibility for it (of sorts).

“Street Wars/Exotic Foxholes” from Young Machetes

Brass boots, where has your gaunt gown gone?
Whose streets have you walked on?
Who did you meet? What did they say?
Is the world just a foxhole you watch from?

And I coincidentally leave you with a song about war (in essence), which isn’t the message I want to send, aha! Street Wars is fantastic to leave with, nonetheless, because the harmonising the vocalists do is very Beatles-esque, and the bass is just plain ole awesome!

Reading… some fanfiction (nothing new there), and J.R. Ward’s new book, Lover Mine. Great plot, wonderful characters, horrible butchering of the gay ones. I still keep coming back, though, so the woman is doing something right!

Listening… to Lorene Drive and Britney Spears, because I love mixing genres, as well as spamming everyone with the genius that is « Blood Brothers (if I so wasn’t starry-eyed about it, I’d feel a little bad!).

Coding… Media Admin, and I. hate. Amazon’s. API. It’s one of the worst things in the world to get around – something I have yet to do, and if you know me, you know I don’t, and won’t, give up that easily – and never thought I’d think that about XML! GO DIAF, AMAZON API.

Excited… that the sister is back! She went to California (San Francisco) for three weeks to visit our older sister. She loved it in California – the pictures! – but didn’t love the sister. I needed someone to fangirl The Whitest Kids U’Know and The IT Crowd with!

Making… abstract art for a project, and its not as horrible as I first thought it’d be; it’s actually quite fun, and the colour options…!

Admiring… Trevor Moore. See “Watching” for further (fangirlish) details.

Watching… The Whitest Kids U’Know! OH EM GEE. I took my cable company’s, Comcast, advice – surprising; they’re a shitty company with even shittier advertising methods – and watched it on IFC, and have never looked back. It was created by Trevor Moore and Sam Brown, and it loosely based off of Trevor’s first show. Although all five boys – Trevor, Sam, Zach, Darren and Timmy, in order of hiring – write the show, Trevor’s the head writer, and I just marvel at his, and their, genius. Darren and Zach are my favourite, and Timmy makes me laugh so fucking hard; Trevor is the best at ridiculous-but-still-funny!wigs (and pants) and Sam with his ridiculously crass (but still funny) skits! While I wouldn’t suggest this for the squeamish or easily-offended, it’s some of the funniest shit I’ve seen in a while! Also, a quick shout out to Grandma’s Boy, the best movie ever made. Fin~

Cooking… brownies, because it seems to be all I’m good for. I admittedly passed on a few chances to cook, but I’ve been wrung out with coding – AMAZON. I’M LOOKING AT YOU HERE. – that I just haven’t felt up to it.

Taking a Photo of… Nay-Nay!

Nay-Nay goes through these daily rituals of randomly coming up to me, meowing and jumping up into my lap to cuddle. Most of the time she stays for twenty seconds before getting bored, but she actually let me take (really bad) photos of her, and cuddle with her, too. (My hand was trying to hold her head still long enough to get the shot. Alas, I was not successful. I have failed thee.) So, to make up for the quality, here’s a photo of a yellow grasshopper (and to remind you all I’m not a horribly bad photographer):

Feeling admittedly nostalgic – I remember the sister, the friend and I would collect grass hoppers, kill them and then throw them away because they stunk. We actually made a sport of catching them. …Which is kind of not-so-nostalgic, and more morbid. I couldn’t do it now, only marvel at how weirdly cute it looked.

Playing… The Spill Canvas – Our Song », which is the best damn song ever right now.

And anyhow: you knew it was coming! :D

Continuing the Artist collection of “Songs of Tess”, Placebo is a british rock band, and my favourite of all time. Not only are their sexualities echoed in their music (the bassist is gay, and the leader singer is bi-sexual and very androgynous), but their music is not over and beyond, and quite simplistic (which is the opposite of « Blood Brothers, who are very extravagant, another reason why I chose Placebo next), and their mix of electronica – later albums, anyway! – makes me squee quite a bit!

I found Placebo from a friend – Melissa », actually – who played “English Summer Rain”, “Every You Every Me” and “Pure Morning”. I decided to download them, looking for new music, and a handful of other songs, and the rest as they say is history. Brian’s, the leader singer, voice is nasally, and I’ve heard that’s annoying, and they’re not everyone’s cup o’ tea, but if I had to suggest a band, Placebo would be one of them. Onto the epic playlist!

Quick note: I didn’t include their third album, Black Market Music, because I have yet to listen to it fully.

Nancy Boy from Placebo

A song from their self-titled debut album, and it never fails to send butterflies through my stomach. I’ve listened to Nancy Boy on current current Last.fm account » over 1,100+ times. It’d be a bit redundant going on and on about it being my favourite song, yes?

Does his makeup in his room
Douse himself with cheap perfume
Eyeholes in a paper bag
greatest lay I ever had

Every You Every Me from Without You I’m Nothing

This is what I think is their most known song, as it was featured in Cruel Intentions, though I didn’t know it was in the movie – a movie, I might add, I watched a number of times – and the sister didn’t either; she actually found this song through me!

Like the naked leads the blind
I know I’m selfish, I’m unkind
Sucker love I always find someone to bruise and leave behind

I think it fit Cruel Intentions quite well – the song depicts a… erm, not very calm relationship, but one both partners indulged in anyway.

Pure Morning from Without You I’m Nothing

Pure Morning is considered one of their more known songs, but I couldn’t resist slapping this up here!

A friend in needs a friend indeed
My Japanese is better
And when she’s pressed she will undress
And then she’s boxing clever

English Summer Rain from Sleeping With Ghosts

Sleeping With Ghosts was and is a beautiful album, there’s no other word for it. It had it’s rock, it’s soft song (every awesometastic album has this!) and enough individuality from the members, plus experimentation, that is was simply Placebo. “English Summer Rain” is my favourite song next to “Nancy Boy”, as it’s very soothing, but very… instrumental at the same time. Kind of hard to explain! /goes to lyrics

Hold your breath and count to ten
Start again, start again…

No idea what English summer rain is like, but… well, that’s Florida for you at the very least (insert rage!smilies here).

Sleeping With Ghosts from Sleeping With Ghosts

Sleeping With Ghosts is a really beautiful song in its own right, but the lyrics are quite awesome, and the music is so serene. You can look at this in a romantic light, or a platonic one – the latter being my sister; I kind of feel we are “soulmates”, and not just because were siblings. I know it seems extreme, but a) it’s me and b) I could listen to this song forever.

Hush
It’s okay
Dry your eye
Dry your eye
Soulmate dry your eye
Dry your eye
Soulmate dry your eye
Cause soulmates never die

The Bitter End from Sleeping With Ghosts

Most relationships I’ve ever seen – whether from a friend or a family members – have ended badly, or at least on a bad note. I, myself, have had a friendship that ended this way. Whether Brian, the lyricist for this song, realises it or not, songs like this go a long way. /teary eyed

From the time we intercepted
Feels a lot like suicide
Slow and sad, grown inside us
Arouse and see you’re mine
(See you at the bitter end)

Because I Want You from Meds

Meds will forever be my favourite album from Placebo – which, after Sleeping With Ghosts, says a lot! – not only for it’s electronic feel, but because the lyrics are darker, they’re grittier, and the music is just intense! “Because I Want You” is a little self-explanatory, but a wonderful song, nonetheless.

Fall in to you, is all I ever do!
When I hit the bottle, ’cause I’m afraid to be alone… tear us in two, tear us in two, tear us in two…

Infra-Red from Meds

According to Brian, “Infra-Red” is about getting drunk, thinking about something that happened, and dealing with the person(s) involved, coupled with everything that has happened to you. I can relate to this a lot; there was an instance where I did nothing wrong, and I’ve always wanted to confront the person involved about it. Not that I get drunk and do this or anything, but I know those emotions are in most people. :P

One more thing before we start the final face-off
I will be the one to watch you fall
So I came down to crash and burn your beggar’s banquet

If you are (drunk and) feeling vindictive and don’t want anyone to know about it, give it a listen – it was quite a balm for me when I was facing that situation!

Post Blue from Meds

The album “Meds” was apparently about substance abuse, being drunk, etc., so I kind of take “Post Blue” as a healthier (in the love department) version to “The Bitter End”, with a tragic turn (the graphic lyrics of drug use and sex).

It’s in the water baby
It’s in the pills that pick you up
It’s in the water baby
It’s in the special way we fuck
It’s in the water baby
It’s in your family tree
It’s in the water baby
It’s between you and me

It’s intense, to say the least, but I do love the repeated “I’d break the back of love for you”, because quite honestly, that’s romantic – something I’m sure Placebo probably didn’t intend. :P

Kitty Litter from Battle For the Sun

I have admittedly been lax on not listening to their newest album, but I’ve got a couple of ones I love, and “Kitty Litter” reminds me of old school Placebo. The repeated lyric, “I need a change of skin”, kind of explains the song, especially coupled with “Kitty Litter”.

The way you’re moving
Hips from side to side
Makes you all that I desire
Bathsheba of my choosing and I’m so unsatisfied
You’re all that I require

That is sadly it, and what a ride! You can listen to the songs « at the usual place, of course.

Point: let’s go down the “Tess’ stories are so boring, but they eventually have an ending, so I’ll suffer” road!

I have a mantra, one that’s been with me since 2005. It’s from an ex-friend – long story short my family fell out with her family, so we all no longer talk – and more specifically her mother. I try to take out the best of each relationship I no longer have, no matter how badly it ended, and this is no different. Despite our movie night watching From Paris With Love¹, her cooking with my Mom and helping her move, one thing has stuck with me. Whenever she’d tell me to do something, like with my websites, I’d always go, “I’ll try” and every time she’d look me straight in the eyes and say, “Don’t try, just do it”.

I have taken that everywhere with me, and have lived by it since. Everything I’ve accomplished online has been because I do it, not because I try; I’ve learned PHP, MySQL and JavaScript, have pushed my graphic boundaries, all by doing it, not trying to do it. Not every layout I’ve mine has been a hit, but it’s been something I did, something I tried out, something I learned from. I’ve done everything I’ve ever done by sheer will².

In May 2010, I broke my rule.

Some things were said to me, and it upset me, so much so I lost all confidence in my ability. I know where my talent lies, know I’m fantastical at valid HTML and CSS, know I’m happiest decoding PHP and making MySQL build me a damn tag cloud for my blog. I know what I can do in my graphics program, know I know a lot more than I exhibit. I know all this and more, and I just… lost it. Everything I made I trashed, all designs I made in that one and a half month timeframe was trashed, and if I couldn’t trash it, I’ve been mourning each design I’ve had to put up. It extended to my writing, and my photography, and suddenly I got redfaced – this could have honestly been from the heat as I was outside, but it’s the heat of the moment, let’s pretend~! – and realised that, faults aside, I was good at something, and damnit, I wasn’t going to trash another design because of what someone else said!

The new layout, which you see now, was created as a… something. I don’t know quite what I was doing in Photoshop, only that it started out with my chandelier, and ended with something revolving around red. It’s not perfect, not in any way graphically challenging, will probably never see a CSS gallery to save it’s life… but I’m proud of it. It’s mine, and I’ve implemented some ~subtle~ coding changes for you all to stumble upon and be like, “OMG FINALLY TESS, YOUR SCRIPT IS SO 2001 AND DECREPIT /SOB”.

So take this weird happening for a lesson: keep “doing” what you’re doing. Don’t let someone else rain on your parade, and keep doing what you’re doing, whether that’s designing (web, interior, clothing, you name it!) or even cooking! Also, just a tip: don’t listen to Pussycat Dolls when you’re writing a “serious” blog entry – it quite ruins the mood when you hear, “[…] trying to get with me, trying to ha-ha-ha-ha […]” – or when Christina » sends you photos of Bradley James and Colin Morgan, and your brain goes blank from explosion, and stars are in your eyes, and you go back to your entry and almost try to delete it, because your mind doesn’t add up with what you’re typing. Then again, it’s me.

And, as a cheery note, I actually made a design someone else is using. I showed the two latter people I linked – I’m lazy – this design, and when I told Mayumi I’d be trashing the design, she nabbed it instead »… and someone is using my design! It’s red, too, but the JavaScript updates and footer are my favourite parts. Ah, the simple things. *all smiley*

1. « Or something, the movie was about some couple travelling to (or from) Rome or Paris, or some “romantic” city; we were too busy talking for me to really pay attention.
2. « EXCEPT FOR THAT GODDAMN AMAZON API.

Exactly three years ago, the family went to go see Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, with one of our older cats being in labour. When we got back from dinner + the movie – a movie inwhich I missed every single Draco + Harry scene; not amused, bladder – T.J. and his sister and brother were born. The story is quite long, but it ended in our old neighbours randomly stating he was mine, and that they kind of weren’t feeding him anymore (thus making me his owner, since I was already feeding him). I remember the time he woke me up giving me biscuits on my face, the time he watched Baby drink water like it was the most fascinating thing that had ever happened to the universe, the fifteen hundred times he and Dare did some not-really-biologically-possible-but-there-you-have-it deeds, and I still remember the first ever picture I took of him; I have it on my cockboard¹!

For his birthday I gave him a can of wet food, which to our male cats is a treat. I also had him pose for the following pictures, but that was kind of for me rather than him. :P

1. « Well, corkboard. Something some of the girls at TFL » dubbed, it wasn’t me!